Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 65)

Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps.

Miscellaneous

Have to piss like a Russian race horse.

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What makes Teflon stick to the pan?

(1946 – ) American comedian
Miscellaneous

He’s just loudin’ off.

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You can’t tell nobody nothing that ain’t ever been nowhere!

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You’re barking up the wrong tree.

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As full of wind as a corn-eating horse

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Tight as a tick

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If I ever become a mummy, I’m going to have it so when somebody opens my lid, a boxing glove on a spring shoots out.

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That takes the cake

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He won’t hit a lick at a snake.

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I went to the barber and got my ears lowered.

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Fall in for vittles.

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Ain't that the berries!

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When I saw the old bum pushing his grocery cart down the street, at first I felt sorry for him; but then when I saw what was in his cart I thought, well, no wonder you’re a bum, look at the dumb things you bought.

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It's cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool table.

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Within a peg

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They from off.

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Why are they called apartments when they’re all stuck together?

(1946 – ) American comedian
Miscellaneous Wordplay

Two old maids on a beach, streaker ran past… one had a stroke, the other one couldn't reach.

(1930 – 2007) English comedian & nightclub owner
Miscellaneous Wordplay

Well, that just frosts my ankles!

Miscellaneous