Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Miscellaneous
(Page 65)
I’ve wondered where this [fear of clowns] started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.
Miscellaneous
We live by the Golden Rule: those who have the gold make the rules.
“Buzzy” Bavasi
(1914 –2008) American baseball executive
Miscellaneous
Golden Rule
I wish somebody would invent a fruit that had no seeds, tasted delicious, and would scream when you ate it.
Miscellaneous
Fix your plate.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
Serve yourself at dinner
Just because a chicken has wings doesn't mean it can fly.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
He’s screw a snake in a sandstorm if someone’d hold it out straight for him.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
In this adventure Harry will do battle with giant lizards, face the attack of the Death Eaters, and in perhaps the most difficult task of all for a 14-year-old, ask a girl to be his date at the Yule Ball.
Miscellaneous
“Goblet of Fire”
I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, yahoo, I’d have all my money back.
Miscellaneous
Give me some sugar.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Give me a kiss.
Other expressions
He was the kind of man who was not ashamed to show affection; I guess that’s what I hated about him.
Miscellaneous
Throw the hatchet
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Embellish the truth
Exaggerate
Other expressions
The bell cow
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
The leader
Georgia buggy
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
Wheelbarrow
He could go bear hunting with a switch.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
He’s so tough
Mean
Other expressions
Strong
Instead of past, present, and future, I’d prefer chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry.
Ashleigh Brilliant
(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Miscellaneous
Mom always told me I could be whatever I wanted to be when I grew up, within reason; when I asked her what she meant by within reason, she said that I ask a lot of questions for a garbage man.
Miscellaneous
You've heard the saying that every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time a mousetrap snaps, an angel gets set on fire.
Miscellaneous
If my dog was ugly as you, I’d shave his butt and make him walk backwards.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
Though a scant 100 minutes long, After Earth feels longer and slower than your average PBS pledge drive.
Rob Vaux
writer, editor & film reviewer
Miscellaneous
“After Earth”
When I told my therapist I have an imaginary dog he said; ‘Well, at least you don’t have to pick up shit in the street' … so I’ve stopped doing that.
Kelly Kingham
comedian
Miscellaneous
Speaker: I have only ten minutes and hardly know where to begin.
Voice in the back: Begin at the ninth.
Jacob Braude
Communication
Miscellaneous
Speech
Page 65 of 75
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