Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 65)

Something tells me that the first mousetrap wasn’t designed to catch mice at all, but to protect little cheese “gems” from burglars.

Miscellaneous

Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.

Miscellaneous

I've had an apple out of that bag.

Miscellaneous

It’s raining like pouring piss out of a boot.

Miscellaneous

Fell down cup over kettle.

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You need to get you some bidness!

Miscellaneous

It’s funny that pirates were always going around searching for treasure, and they never realized that the real treasure was the fond memories they were creating.

Miscellaneous

You could throw her in a river and skim ugly for two days.

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Like a peach-orchard bull

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Those wise decisions you make when you’re young are those foolish ones you’ll live with when your old.

Miscellaneous

I'm happier than a woodpecker in a lumber yard.

Miscellaneous

Well tie me to a pig and role me in the mud!

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To put the spit on the apple.

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Stronger’n a garlic milkshake

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If the Lord’s willing and the creeks don’t rise.

Miscellaneous

We in the short rows.

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Too bad you can’t buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out.

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I wouldn’t mind if animals ate my body, after I’m dead. And before I’m dead, they could lick me.

Miscellaneous

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn’t open, and your friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.

Miscellaneous

It’s been saucered and blowed.

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He looks like the dog's been keepin' him under the porch.

Miscellaneous