Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 65)

I’ve wondered where this [fear of clowns] started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.

We live by the Golden Rule: those who have the gold make the rules.

(1914 –2008) American baseball executive

I wish somebody would invent a fruit that had no seeds, tasted delicious, and would scream when you ate it.

Fix your plate.

Just because a chicken has wings doesn't mean it can fly.

He’s screw a snake in a sandstorm if someone’d hold it out straight for him.

In this adventure Harry will do battle with giant lizards, face the attack of the Death Eaters, and in perhaps the most difficult task of all for a 14-year-old, ask a girl to be his date at the Yule Ball.

I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, yahoo, I’d have all my money back.

Give me some sugar.

He was the kind of man who was not ashamed to show affection; I guess that’s what I hated about him.

Throw the hatchet

The bell cow

Georgia buggy

He could go bear hunting with a switch.

Instead of past, present, and future, I’d prefer chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist

Mom always told me I could be whatever I wanted to be when I grew up, within reason; when I asked her what she meant by within reason, she said that I ask a lot of questions for a garbage man.

You've heard the saying that every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time a mousetrap snaps, an angel gets set on fire.

If my dog was ugly as you, I’d shave his butt and make him walk backwards.

Though a scant 100 minutes long, After Earth feels longer and slower than your average PBS pledge drive.

writer, editor & film reviewer

When I told my therapist I have an imaginary dog he said; ‘Well, at least you don’t have to pick up shit in the street' … so I’ve stopped doing that.

comedian

Speaker: I have only ten minutes and hardly know where to begin.

Voice in the back: Begin at the ninth.