Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 66)

I’m so confused I don’t know whether to scratch my watch or wind my butt.

Miscellaneous

He wants the earth and the moon with two strands of bob wire around it – and it white washed.

Miscellaneous

I'll hit you so hard your children will be born dizzy.

Miscellaneous

If I had a nickname, I think I would want it to be “Prince of Weasels”, because then I could go up and bite people and they would turn around and go, “What the – ?” And then they would recognize me, and go, “Oh, it’s you, the Prince of Weasels.”

Miscellaneous

He’s a good ol’ dog, but sometimes he sh*ts to close to the porch.

Miscellaneous

It’s funny, but when you look at an old man, then you look at a photo of him when he was a young man, then you look at the old man, then the photo, back and forth, pretty soon you’ll do whatever anybody tells you to.

Miscellaneous

Like an old hen with one chick

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I’m goin’ to be on you quicker than a duck on a June bug.

Miscellaneous

Church was a reminder there was something worse than school.

(1946 – ) American comedian
Miscellaneous

Girlfriend Calling You Fat? You Probably Are. Ride Bike

Miscellaneous

Who do you favor?

Miscellaneous

Sweating like a whore in church.

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He could talk a dog off a meat wagon.

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If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let ‘em go, because, man, they’re gone.

Miscellaneous

Got off like a fat rat with cheese.

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It’s two degrees hotter than the hinges of Hell.

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A close chewer and a tight spitter.

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He took in a lot of mules.

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Lower than a snake in a wagon track.

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That cat is wilder than an acre of snakes.

Miscellaneous

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Sausages

Miscellaneous