Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 67)

Is a pig's ass pork?

Miscellaneous

Sometimes I think the so-called experts actually ARE experts.

Miscellaneous

No, it’s liquid sunshine.

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Tricky, isn’t it, if you’re both a moth and a sea captain in charge of a ship but up ahead, you see a lighthouse.

(1964 – ) English comedian
Miscellaneous

I went to a cigar store, the man behind the counter asked me, "What kind of cigars do you like?" and I answered, "It's a Boys."

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Miscellaneous

He ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed!

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Don’t start choppin’ till you’ve treed the coon.

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Grace the table.

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About as useful as gooseshit on a pumphandle

Miscellaneous

If your kid makes one of those little homemade guitars out of a cigar box and rubber bands, don’t let him just play it once or twice and then throw it away. Make him practice on it, every day, for about three hours a day. Later, he’ll thank you.

Miscellaneous

When Gary told me he had found Jesus, I thought, Ya-hoo! We’re rich! But it turned out to be something different.

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Willy-Nilly: Impotent.

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Mend fences.

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Sure as a cat has a climbing gear

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Longer than a visit from my mother in law.

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Slow as pond water.

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There is one question that probably drives just about every vampire crazy: “Oh, do you know Dracula?”

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Well, cut my legs off and call me shorty.

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Just because a chicken has wings doesn't mean it can fly.

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If the Vikings were around today, they would probably be amazed at how much glow-in-the-dark stuff we have, and how we take so much of it for granted.

Miscellaneous

It’s raining so hard the animals are starting to pair up.

Miscellaneous