Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 67)

You had better go lick that calf over.

Miscellaneous

She has a butt like a forty-dollar mule.

Miscellaneous

Strong as a new well rope

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He learned to whisper in a sawmill.

Miscellaneous

The damned thing works!

(1906 – 1971) American inventor & television pioneer
Miscellaneous

Every dog has his day.

Miscellaneous

I saw on this nature show how the male elk douses himself with urine to smell sweeter to the opposite sex. What a coincidence!

Miscellaneous

He couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.

Miscellaneous

Crooked as a cork screw.

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Another horse been in his barn

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Greener than goose shit

Miscellaneous

My father used to beat me with his belt… while it was still on him.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Miscellaneous

Only if they don't work.

(Pauline Phillips) (1918 – 2013) American advice columnist
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Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer

Miscellaneous

Penny: Just you wait and see. I’m gonna romance your freakin’ ass off.

Leonard: That’s beautiful. Is that Shakespeare?

(1975 – ) American actor
Miscellaneous

This bloke said to me: ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar;’ I said: ‘Is that a fret?’

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Miscellaneous Wordplay

My grandfather invented the cold air balloon… but it never really took off.

(1964 – ) English comedian
Miscellaneous Wordplay

During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not putting on your armor because you were ‘just going down to the corner.’

Miscellaneous

That was back when Christ wore knee-britches.

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Crazy as a dog in a hub cap factory.

Miscellaneous

Confucius say… he who can take the rough with the smooth knows how to maintain an even keel.

Miscellaneous