Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 67)

Nobody will ever notice it on a galloping horse.

Miscellaneous

Everybody’s in the same pew

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Instead of burning a guy at the stake, what about burning him at the stilts? … it probably lasts longer, plus it moves around.

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That boy wouldn’t work in a pie factory, afraid he’d get full and have to quit.

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What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk? And after you’re real drunk, maybe go down to the public park and stagger around and ask people for money, and then lay down and go to sleep.

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Marriage is a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose

(1898 – 1983) English author, playwright, journalist, composer & public speaker
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Don't get your tit in a ringer!

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He’s got a tough row to hoe

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Turn the truth

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Thank God it wasn’t his prostate.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit
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Let a man skin his own skunk.

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Doesn’t know shit from Shinola

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Dumber than a barrel of hair

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If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn’t open, and your friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.

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If you’re an ant, and you’re walking along across the top of a cup of pudding, you probably have no idea that the only thing between you and disaster is the strength of that pudding skin.

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Chew the bark off

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The ox is in the ditch.

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Tighter than bark on a tree

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I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life

Miscellaneous Song Titles

Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you’re not supposed to drink and drive?

(1946 – ) American comedian
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When you die, if you go somewhere where they ask you a bunch of questions about your life and what you learned and all, I think a good way to get out of it is just to say, “No speaka English.”

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