Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 68)

That land is so poor two red-headed women couldn’t raise a fuss on it.

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Oral Sadism And The Vegetarian Personality

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Sittin' on the bedpost.

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Friendship is like peeing your pants; everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.

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That's so good it would make a puppy pull a freight train.

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He was wound up tighter ‘en a bango string.

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I bet a funny thing about driving a car off a cliff is, while you’re in midair, you still hit those brakes.

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It was so good it would have brought tears to a glass eye.

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His face was all plowed up

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I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, yahoo, I’d have all my money back.

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I'll slap you nekkid and hide your clothes.

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Her tongue was tied in the middle and loose at both ends.

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One foot in the grave and another on a banana peel

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It don’t take long to examine a hot horseshoe.

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Some circumstantial evidence is very strong, as when you find a trout in the milk.

(1817 – 1862) American author, poet, philosopher,, naturalist & historian
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I feel fatter than a possum stuck in a fence hole.

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There are no requests for jugglers – only ‘Don’t juggle!’

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Like an old hen with one chick

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The difference between a man and a boy is, a boy wants to grow up to be a fireman, but a man wants to grow up to be a giant monster fireman.

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I would like to buy him for what he is worth and sell him for what he thinks he is worth.

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Nobody here but us chickens.

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