Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 69)

She Broken My Heart, So I Broke His Jaw

Miscellaneous

If I ever get burned beyond recognition, and you can’t decide if it’s me or not, just put my funny fisherman’s hat on my head. “See, it’s me!”

Miscellaneous

Doesn’t know his ass from his elbow.

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I try to be as nice to her as I possibly can, because one day I may need part of her liver.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
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He don’t use his kindlin’ to get a fire started.

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… as clumsy as a blind dog in a meat house.

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If you lie down with dogs, you’ll get up with fleas.

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She’s cuter than a bug’s ear.

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Before a mad scientist goes mad, there’s probably a time when he’s only partially mad… and this is the time when he’s going to throw his best parties.

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It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch.

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Plum tuckered

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I'll slap you nekkid and hide your clothes.

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The water was higher than a cat’s back.

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He's ugly enough to scare the buzzards off a gut wagon.

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Lay out… (of work/school)

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He's nuttier than a squirrel shit.

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Don’t care if I do.

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A face like a robber’s dog!

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They scoffed when I told them I’d one day learn the secret of invisibility; if they could only see me now.

(1980 – ) English magician & comedian
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If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you’ll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.

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A rooster one day, a feather duster the next.

Miscellaneous