Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 69)

Can you carry me up to the picture show?

Miscellaneous

I’m touching cotton.

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You're diggin’ your own grave.

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If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you’re in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don’t know what to tell you.

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A face like a boiled fist

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It's so hot that it makes me want to take off my skin and sit in my bones.

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I’d like to see a James Bond movie where James Bond gets behind financially and maybe has to take out a bill consolidation loan, because even when he’s applying for the loan he’s still real smart-alecky.

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Long as a month of Sundays.

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He has more information than a Sears Roebuck catalog.

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I wish a robot would get elected president; that way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.

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If they ever have a haunted house for dogs, I think a good display would be a bathtub full of soapy water.

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About half.

Angelo Giuseppe Roncalli (1881 – 1963) Italian pope
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It’s true what they say: Cops and women don’t mix. It’s like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it’ll clean you out, but it’ll leave you hollow inside.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
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Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a dungeon; but some days, when there was a bad storm outside, you’d look out your little window and think, ‘Boy, I’m glad I’m not out in THAT.’

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Where do you fall?

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I think it should be a law that if you ever get sucked up into a tornado, whatever you can grab with your hands while you’re swirling around up there, you get to keep.

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He's as happy as if he had good sense.

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Never hit a baby… even if they start it.

Canadian-American comedian & writer
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Proud as a dog with a hemstitched tail

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I'm fixin' to go down the road a piece.

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