Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 7)

Ready with his hat and slow with his money.

Miscellaneous

I’m gonna tan your hide.

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I’m on it like cheese on grits!

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It’s probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you’re talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something?

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You need to dance with them what brung you.

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Well, shoot me for a billygoat.

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He looks like something the cat drug in and the dog wouldn't eat.

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Tell a story

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Slower than a bread wagon with biscuit wheels.

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He’s three limbs up a willa.

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He’s a good ol’ dog, but sometimes he sh*ts to close to the porch.

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He could talk a dog off a meat wagon.

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I saw on this nature show how the male elk douses himself with urine to smell sweeter to the opposite sex. What a coincidence!

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Well, slap my head and call me silly.

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I wouldn't speak to her if I met her in hell and she was carrying a big lump of ice.

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He gets Tuesday’s paper on Friday.

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Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes; after that, who cares? … he’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
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As welcome as a skunk at a lawn party

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If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off; you see, we build to that.

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Turn the truth

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He has a face made for radio.

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