Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 7)

His front porch light is burnt out.

Miscellaneous

If you lived in the Dark Ages and you were a catapult operator, I bet the most common question people would ask is, “Can’t you make it shoot farther?” “No, I’m sorry. That’s as far as it shoots.”

Miscellaneous

He’s in a foggery.

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I was sad, because I had no shoes, until I met a man that had no feet; so, I took his shoes, cuz hey, he wan’t using them!

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You’re about as grateful as a toothache.

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When Gary told me he had found Jesus, I thought, Ya-hoo! We’re rich! But it turned out to be something different.

Miscellaneous

There’s no “I” in denial.

(1972 – ) English actor, comedian, writer, voice artist & director
Miscellaneous

Confucius say… no time for your health today; no health for your time tomorrow.

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When you die, if you go somewhere where they ask you a bunch of questions about your life and what you learned and all, I think a good way to get out of it is just to say, ‘No speaka English.”

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Between you me and the gatepost…

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Madder than a hornet!

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Pretty is as pretty does.

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Like a buzzard in a tree waiting for a mule to die

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If a cow had wheels, it would be a milk truck.

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It’s raining so hard the animals are starting to pair up.

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Useless as tits on a boar hog

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I wonder if Dracula ever has ticks.

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Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your backside?

(1973 – ) English comedian, writer, actor, director & producer
Miscellaneous

Give down the country.

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Quicker than a cat can lick’s its ass

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Every dog should have a few fleas.

Miscellaneous