Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 7)

No one is ever warmed by wool pulled over his eyes.

writer
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Like trying to sneak daylight past a rooster

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Countrier than cornbread.

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The next time you go to the doctor, go ahead and bring in a stool sample – they might need it; better go ahead and bring some for the dentist too.

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Jack: We are lovers.

Liz: That word bums me out unless it’s between the words “meat” and “pizza”.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Miscellaneous

If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I’m a coward.

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When I was a baby I had no teeth, I couldn't get a job and I couldn't eat meat.

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He didn't get there on a paved road.

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If you can't beat ‘em join ‘em, and if you can’t join ‘em beat ‘em.

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As stubborn as a blue-nose mule and as busy as a cranberry merchant.

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Faster than a scalded dog

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I ain’t tellin’ ya how the cow ate the cabbage.

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When I picked up the little dead mouse that my cat had killed, at first I felt sad… then I felt hungry; I forget what happened after that.

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Narrow between the eyes.

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She's so stuck up, she'd drown in a rainstorm.

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There was probably an old Viking saying that said, “Ax in the head, early to bed; ax in the helmet, a friend of Helmut.”

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If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let ‘em go, because, man, they’re gone.

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That size don't get no bigger.

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Boy howdy!

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It’s hotter than a goat’s ass in a pepper patch.

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That's as scarce as hen's teeth.

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