Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 70)

Sure as a cat has a climbing gear

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I wish to my never.

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Let me hug your neck.

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About as useful as gooseshit on a pumphandle

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I’d like to see a James Bond movie where James Bond gets behind financially and maybe has to take out a bill consolidation loan, because even when he’s applying for the loan he’s still real smart-alecky.

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There are no requests for jugglers – only ‘Don’t juggle!’

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Do you want your dinner now or when you get it.

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I’ve wondered where this [fear of clowns] started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.

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There is still time to save the face; later we will be forced to save some other parts of a body.

(1938 – 2010) Russian politician
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Well, cut my legs off and call me shorty.

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If I ever get burned beyond recognition, and you can’t decide if it’s me or not, just put my funny fisherman’s hat on my head. “See, it’s me!”

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If growing up in the ’80s taught me one thing, it’s that my friends and I should have found a treasure map by now.


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People need to realize that every time they talk about how “fragile” our planet is, it’s just like asking outer-space aliens to come invade us.

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I hope that when I die, people say about me, ‘Boy, that guy sure owed me a lot of money.’

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If you put his brain in a gnat's butt, it would fly backwards.

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Oh for crying in the bucket.

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So tight you can hear him squeak when he walks

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Practical Demonkeeping


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A face like a bee keepers apprentice

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Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream.

(1930 – 1990) English journalist, author & media personality
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I guess if I was starving to death I would eat a dog… but not a collie, because I don’t like the taste of collie.

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