Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 70)

She is so ugly I would hire her to haunt a house.

Miscellaneous

She looks like she was rode hard and put up wet.

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I hope I never do anything to bring shame on myself, my family or my other family.

Miscellaneous

Intercourse,  Pennsylvania

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I had a survey done on my house; eight out of 10 people said they really rather liked it.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Miscellaneous

Good Lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise

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Sittin’ in the catbird seat

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Grace the table.

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I bet when they weren’t fighting, Vikings with horn helmets had to stick potatoes on the ends of the horns, so as to avoid eye-pokings to fellow Vikings and lady Vikings.

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It’s raining like pouring piss out of a boot.

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Crazy as a sack of bees.

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Don’t let yer eyes overload yer belly.

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Give a 50 cent answer for a nickel question.

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He's dumber than a mud fence.

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Tighter than a new boot

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I told my doctor I want to get a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don’t need one.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
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I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you’re having a good idea but it’s just eggs hatching.

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I’m so poor that if it cost a nickle to go around the world, I couldn’t get out of sight.

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Proud as a dog with a hemstitched tail

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I didn’t just fall off a turnip truck.

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He don’t know daylight from dark.

Miscellaneous