Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 71)

Good news rarely comes in a brown envelope.

(1909 – 1976) British army officer, company director & politician
Miscellaneous

The ox is in the ditch.

Miscellaneous

Jackin yer jaw

Miscellaneous

Peter Marshall: Helen Gurley Brown recently said of Henry Kissinger, "His most outstanding endearing quality is his ability to make someone feel…" Feel what?

Jan Murray: His thighs.

(1916 - 2006) American stand-up comedian, actor & game show host
Miscellaneous

Too bad you can’t buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out.

Miscellaneous

I think there should be something in science called the “reindeer effect.” I don't know what it would be, but I think it'd be good to hear someone say, "Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect."

Miscellaneous

Too bad you can’t just grab a tree by the very tip-top and bend it clear over the ground and then let her fly, because I bet you’d be amazed at all the stuff that comes flying out.

Miscellaneous

Novelties and notions? What kind of notions you got?

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Miscellaneous TV/Movie Quotes

Held his hind leg

Miscellaneous

When I saw the old bum pushing his grocery cart down the street, at first I felt sorry for him; but then when I saw what was in his cart I thought, well, no wonder you’re a bum, look at the dumb things you bought.

Miscellaneous

He's so thin he had to stand twice in the same place to make a shadow.

Miscellaneous

Pissin’ in the wind

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It’s funny, but when you look at an old man, then you look at a photo of him when he was a young man, then you look at the old man, then the photo, back and forth, pretty soon you’ll do whatever anybody tells you to.

Miscellaneous

Uglier than a burnt stump

Miscellaneous

I’ve always felt sorry for Jesus ‘cause you know no matter what he ever did, he could never live up to his father.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Miscellaneous

Crooked as a snake's back.

Miscellaneous

Limberlost,  Missouri

Miscellaneous

No bigger than the little end of nothin’ whittled down to a fine point.

Miscellaneous

I’m so poor that if it cost a nickle to go around the world, I couldn’t get out of sight.

Miscellaneous

What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone?

(1898 – 1956) German poet, playwright & theater director
Miscellaneous

We don’t air our dirty laundry out in public.

Miscellaneous