Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 72)

He’d skin a flea for the hide and tallow.

Miscellaneous

I guess I’ll never forget her. And maybe I don't want to. Her spirit was wild, like a wild monkey. Her beauty was like a beautiful horse being ridden by a wild monkey. I forget her other qualities.

Miscellaneous

You'll go to hell for lyin' just as fast as fer stealin' chickens.

Miscellaneous

He could go bear hunting with a switch.

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My Elizabeth was as pure as the driven snow; and I am the only driver she ever had!

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
Miscellaneous

Ladies, I wasn't circumcised, I was circumnavigated.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Miscellaneous

Pot licker

Miscellaneous

Like a turkey in young corn

Miscellaneous

Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.

Miscellaneous

If he had a brain and was a bird, he’d fly backwards.

Miscellaneous

That's the Irish people all over – they treat a joke as a serious thing, and a serious thing as a joke.

(1880 – 1964) Irish dramatist
Miscellaneous

You kin put your boots in the oven – but that don’t make ‘em biscuits.

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In some countries, what I did would be considered polite, especially Fartland.

Miscellaneous

No bigger than the little end of nothin’ whittled down to a fine point.

Miscellaneous

What if nothing exists and we’re all in somebody’s dream? .. or what'’s worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Miscellaneous

There are no requests for jugglers – only ‘Don’t juggle!’

Miscellaneous

As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life; was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling?

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Let’s be honest: Isn’t a lot what we call tap dancing really just nerves?

Entertainment Miscellaneous

Busted two sets of knee caps

Miscellaneous

I would like to buy him for what he is worth and sell him for what he thinks he is worth.

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He was so nervous, he could thread a sewing machine while it was running.

Miscellaneous