Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 73)

When poverty comes in the front door, love goes out the back.

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Sweet talkin’ thing

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I love you like a fat kid loves cake.

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Couldn't run a bath!

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This mall Santa seems insulted that I put down that protective paper before sitting on his lap.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
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There is nothing more awkward than the moment you realize you’re getting a double-cheek kiss.

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If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that’s all I have to say.

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When I think of some of the things that have been done in the name of science, I have to cringe… no, wait, not science, vandalism; and not cringe, laugh.

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A little pain never hurt anyone.

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I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.

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I’m gonna have a ‘Come to Jesus’ meeting with him.

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He's country as a bowl of grits.

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I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you’re having a good idea but it’s just eggs hatching.

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If you were an ancient barbarian, I bet a real embarrassing thing would be if you were sacking Rome and your cape got caught on something and you couldn’t get it unhooked, and you had to ask another barbarian to unhook it for you.

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You know what makes good hair for a snowman? … real hair; don’t ask me why, but it works.

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California Mayor Curbs Self Over Dog Poop Incident

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So hungry my belly thinks my throat's been cut.

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You want to get three feet up a bull’s ass, just listen to the whisperings of sweethearts.

(1954 – 2008) British film director, playwright & screenwriter
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Hay is just the first stage of bullshit.

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Any man, in the right situation, is capable of murder, but not any man is capable of being a good camper… so, murder and camping are not as similar as you might think.

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Put on the dog

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