Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 73)

He’s so skinny… looks like he swapped legs with a wasp and got cheated out of the stinger!

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Instead of putting a quarter under a kid’s pillow, how about a pine cone? … that way, he learns that ‘wishing’ isn’t going to save our national forests.

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I'll snatch you baldheaded.

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His family tree is a trunk.

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Have to piss like a Russian race horse.

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In my next life, I hope I come back as a parrot, because I already know quite a few words.

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Fair to middlin’

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Poor as gully dirt

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He has a heart of gold… only harder.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
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It’s true what they say: Cops and women don’t mix. It’s like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it’ll clean you out, but it’ll leave you hollow inside.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor
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Like a live oak limb

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If wishes were horses… beggars would ride.

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I think the mistake a lot of us make is thinking the state-appointed psychiatrist is our ‘friend.’

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It's as cold as all git out!

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He’s screw a snake in a sandstorm if someone’d hold it out straight for him.

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As tired as a whore on nickel night.

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When you die, if you go somewhere where they ask you a bunch of questions about your life and what you learned and all, I think a good way to get out of it is just to say, ‘No speaka English.”

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Oprah Winfrey has named her new $51 million estate ‘Tara 2,’ after Scarlett O’Hara’s plantation in Gone With The Wind; meanwhile, Sally Jessy Raphael has named her new estate Apartment 4B.

(1974 – ) American comedian, actor, producer & television host
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Some circumstantial evidence is very strong, as when you find a trout in the milk.

(1817 – 1862) American author, poet, philosopher,, naturalist & historian
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It daddied itself

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If his brains were dynamite, he couldn’t blow his nose.

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