Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 73)

He took in a lot of mules.

Miscellaneous

I think the monkeys at the zoo should have to wear sunglasses so they can’t hypnotize you.

Miscellaneous

If they ever come up with a swashbuckling school, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.

Miscellaneous

I guess if I was starving to death I would eat a dog… but not a collie, because I don’t like the taste of collie.

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He wouldn’t holler sooey if the hogs was eatin’ em.

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If you can’t give me your word of honor, will you give me your promise?

(1879 – 1974) film producer
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If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is probably a joke that gets old real fast.

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He don’t have a pot to piss in nor a window to throw it out of.

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Something tells me that the first mousetrap wasn’t designed to catch mice at all, but to protect little cheese “gems” from burglars.

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One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don’t run with wooden stakes.

Miscellaneous

Leader Of The Laundromat

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How do you write ‘zero’ in Roman Numerals?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
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Her butt is as wide as a corn picker.

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Marta says the interesting thing about fly-fishing is that it's two lives connected by a thin strand. Come on, Marta, grow up.

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Doesn’t know shit from Shinola

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He could talk a dog off a meat wagon.

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Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes; after that, who cares? … he’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
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One way I think you can tell if you have a curse on you is if you open a box of toothpicks and they all fly up and stick in your face.

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She’s about a half a bubble off plumb.

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Happy as a hog in slop.

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Ain't that the berries!

Miscellaneous