Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 74)

A fine howdy-do

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The dinner bell is always in tune.

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Within a lash

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I wouldn’t piss in his ear if his brain was on fire.

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Oh shine!

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He wouldn’t holler sooey if the hogs was eatin’ em.

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Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you’re coming home, his face might burn up.

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No bigger than the little end of nothin’ whittled down to a fine point.

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This likker is just right; if it’d been any worse, I couldn’t have drunk it; if it’d been any better, you wouldn’t have give it to me.

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Don’t ever get your speedometer confused with your clock, like I did once, because the faster you go, the later you think you are.

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Well, cut my legs off and call me shorty.

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When I picked up the little dead mouse that my cat had killed, at first I felt sad… then I felt hungry; I forget what happened after that.

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Granny Scrooch

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… took a long dip in the ugly pond

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Hip: Smartly attuned to the latest cutting-edge cliches.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Miscellaneous

Shet [shut] the light.

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If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that’s what REALLY throws you into a panic.

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If you ever go temporarily insane, don’t shoot somebody, like a lot of people do; instead, try to get some weeding done, because you’d really be surprised

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When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.

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I think it should be a law that if you ever get sucked up into a tornado, whatever you can grab with your hands while you’re swirling around up there, you get to keep.

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Toad choker/frog strangler

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