Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 74)

From Debutante to Doublewide

Miscellaneous

It’s raining like pouring piss out of a boot.

Miscellaneous

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children’s children, because I don’t think children should be having sex.

Miscellaneous

I wonder if Dracula ever has ticks.

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She could eat watermelon through a chicken wire fence.

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If Alien was my friend, I'd like to be with him when he went to the dentist. When they started drilling, he'd probably go nuts and start eating everybody. That Alien!

Miscellaneous

I've sallyjacked the potato salad.

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She could make a preacher cuss!

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In the first castles, I bet a common mistake was putting the torture room next to the master bedroom. Boy, you’re just not going to get good sleep that way.

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Thank God it wasn’t his prostate.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit
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Leanin' on the shovel

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A face like a robber’s dog!

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Purtier than a peach.

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Don’t go off with your pistol half cocked.

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“This steering wheel really is stuck”, Tom maintained unswervingly.

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In the wake of a successful Iraqi elections President Bush’s job approval rating has jumped up to 57% or, as high school teachers call it, an ‘F’.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Miscellaneous

… more than Carter’s got pills.

Miscellaneous

When you die, if you go somewhere where they ask you a bunch of questions about your life and what you learned and all, I think a good way to get out of it is just to say, ‘No speaka English.”

Miscellaneous

I think it should be a law that if you ever get sucked up into a tornado, whatever you can grab with your hands while you’re swirling around up there, you get to keep.

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If my dog was ugly as you, I’d shave his butt and make him walk backwards.

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Short as a gnat's tail

Miscellaneous