Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 74)

Mom always told me I could be whatever I wanted to be when I grew up, within reason; when I asked her what she meant by within reason, she said that I ask a lot of questions for a garbage man.

Miscellaneous

I think the movie actually made my heart beat slower.

American movie critic
Miscellaneous

You need to count your fingers after shaking hands with him.

Miscellaneous

Acupuncture: Waiting for a cure on pins and needles.

Miscellaneous

Everybody’s in the same pew

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He is so green if you stuck him in the ground he would grow.

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Meaner 'n a rattlesnake.

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Where you stay?

Miscellaneous

If you ever go temporarily insane, don’t shoot somebody, like a lot of people do; instead, try to get some weeding done, because you’d really be surprised

Miscellaneous

To my way of thinking, there’s nothing that can’t be cured by a big ol’ pot of beans… except maybe bean fever.

Miscellaneous

I’m going to paint your back porch red if you keep talkin like that!

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That was back when Christ wore knee-britches.

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Prettier than a blue-nosed mule.

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Fair to middlin’

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In the wake of a successful Iraqi elections President Bush’s job approval rating has jumped up to 57% or, as high school teachers call it, an ‘F’.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Miscellaneous

Hearing nuns’ confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

(1965 – ) film & television actor
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He was as mad as a mule chewin' on bumblebees!

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Marryin’ an’ buryin’ hat

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I've Never Gone to Bed with an Ugly Woman

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We used to laugh at Grandpa when he’d head off and go fishing; but we wouldn’t be laughing that evening when he’d come back with some whore he picked up in town.

Miscellaneous

There’s a world that we know nothing about, that we can only imagine… and that is the world of books.

Miscellaneous