Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 8)

That ain't worth the powder to blow it to hell.

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Useful as a broken leg.

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I’m so confused I don’t know whether to scratch my watch or wind my butt.

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You need to get you some bidness!

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Isn’t it funny how whenever a party seems to be winding down at somebody’s house, you can always keep it going just by talking a lot and eating and drinking whatever’s left?

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He has enough money to burn a wet mule.

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They’re like two cats in a sack.

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I’ll show you where the bear sat in the buckwheat.

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I’ll snatch you bald headed.

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When Satan goes ice skatin’ in Hell.

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When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.

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Right as rain.

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If you can't hang with the big dawgs, get off the porch!

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You could throw her in a river and skim ugly for two days.

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In my next life, I hope I come back as a parrot, because I already know quite a few words.

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Too bad you can’t buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out.

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Willy-Nilly: Impotent.

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I feel like I've been chewed up and spit out.

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We used to laugh at Grandpa when he’d head off and go fishing; but we wouldn’t be laughing that evening when he’d come back with some whore he picked up in town.

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She couldn't keep her dress down.

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I had a survey done on my house; eight out of 10 people said they really rather liked it.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Miscellaneous