Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 8)

Sure as the vine twines 'round the stump, you are my darlin' sugar lump.

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To put the spit on the apple.

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Willy-Nilly: Impotent.

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Ain’t got both oars in the water

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The overhead projector has done more to destroy learning than any other thing I can think of.

(1937 – 2014) American co-host of radio show “Car Talk”
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Now that’ll throw yer hat in the creek.

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I’ve always felt sorry for Jesus ‘cause you know no matter what he ever did, he could never live up to his father.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
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As welcome as a skunk at a lawn party

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Lower than a snake in a wagon track.

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Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone’s neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing?

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I feel like the underside of a turnip green.

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If I was a father in a waiting room, and the nurse came out and said, “Congratulations, it’s a girl,” I think a good gag would be to get real mad and yell, “A girl!? You must have me mixed up with THAT dork!” and point to another father.

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If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let ‘em go, because, man, they’re gone.

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I’ve been to two goat ropin’s and a county fair and I ain’t seen nothin’ like this.

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I'm gonna put knots on yor head faster than you can rub them.

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If you’re a boxing referee, it’s probably illegal to wear a bow tie that spins or changes colors.

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Someday I would like to make a movie that makes people laugh and makes people cry, and then makes them leave the theater in a quick and orderly manner so that others may come in.

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Fortune for reading only. Do not eat.

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Took off like Moody's goose

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Within a peg

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It don’t take long to examine a hot horseshoe.

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