Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 9)

People in hell want ice water, but that don’t mean they get it.

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I love you like a fat kid loves cake.

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Our grandpas swapped horses.

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He’s just loudin’ off.

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As full of wind as a corn-eating horse

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If growing up in the ’80s taught me one thing, it’s that my friends and I should have found a treasure map by now.


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Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Sausages

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That man ain't got the decency to die.

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I’ve always felt sorry for Jesus ‘cause you know no matter what he ever did, he could never live up to his father.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
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We don’t air our dirty laundry out in public.

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I wanted wine, women and song… I got a drunk woman singing.

(1967 – ) English comedian
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Boy, I will walk a mud hole in you and stomp it dry.

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Don’t insult the alligator till you’ve crossed the stream.

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In the first castles, I bet a common mistake was putting the torture room next to the master bedroom. Boy, you’re just not going to get good sleep that way.

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I’ll knock you in the head and tell God you died.

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Hotter than two rabbits screwin’ in a wool sock!

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If you want your dreams to come true, don’t sleep.

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I'm fixin' to go down the road a piece.

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Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you.

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If I had a mineshaft, I don’t think I would just abandon it; there’s got to be a better way.

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I’m so confused I don’t know whether to scratch my watch or wind my butt.

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