Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 9)

I suwanne.

Miscellaneous

Whenever you read a good book, it’s like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don’t like to read good books.

Miscellaneous

If you were an ancient barbarian, I bet a real embarrassing thing would be if you were sacking Rome and your cape got caught on something and you couldn’t get it unhooked, and you had to ask another barbarian to unhook it for you.

Miscellaneous

She will have to walk behind the angels – and she won’t like that.

(1841 – 1910) King of the United Kingdom
Miscellaneous

I’m gonna tan yer hide!

Miscellaneous

He's three days older than Moses.

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That land is so poor two red-headed women couldn’t raise a fuss on it.

Miscellaneous

When I shake hands with a man, the first thing I do is look him right in the eye. Then I start poking my hand around in the air, like I can’t find his hand. Then, if the guy’s still there, I finally shake it.

Miscellaneous

Just because a chicken has wings doesn't mean it can fly.

Miscellaneous

Who Walks In When I Walk Out?

Miscellaneous

Good Heavenly Days!

Miscellaneous

If that ain't right then grits ain't groceries.

Miscellaneous

One of the bad things about panning for gold is maybe sometimes you’ll get a crawdaddy in your pan, and you start to wonder if you should give up on the gold and just go for crawdaddies; I can’t make that decision for you.

Miscellaneous

If Pigs Had Wings

Miscellaneous

You ain’t worth a plug nickel.

Miscellaneous

Spread the table.

Miscellaneous

You couldn't hit sand if you fell off a camel.

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Like a turkey in young corn

Miscellaneous

I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Miscellaneous

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.

Miscellaneous

I organized my stuff and put it in boxes… then I put labels on each of the boxes; now I have a box full of razor blades labeled “Plan B.”

American comedian
Miscellaneous