Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 9)

His front porch light is burnt out.

Miscellaneous

About as useful as buttons on a dishrag

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He wouldn’t holler sooey if the hogs was eatin’ em.

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The football team from my high school was tough, after they sacked the quarterback they went after his family.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Miscellaneous

Deaf as a doorknob & blind as a bat.

Miscellaneous

The sun don't shine on the same dog's tail/behind all the time.

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It come up a bad cloud.

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The other day I got out my can-opener and was opening a can of worms when I thought, what am I doing?!

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I wonder if Dracula ever has ticks.

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Quieter than a graveyard

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The only contact I ever made with the dead was when I spoke to a journalist from The Sun.

(Steven Patrick Morrissey) (1959 – ) British singer & lyricist
Communication Miscellaneous

You couldn't hit a bull in the butt with a bass fiddle.

Miscellaneous

She’s so ugly she has to sneak up on a glass of water to get a drink.

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He could talk a dog off a meat wagon.

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Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Sausages

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I didn’t just fall off a turnip truck.

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Instead of building more bombs… let’s find more uses for the ones we already have.

Miscellaneous

No News, Or What Killed The Dog

Miscellaneous Song Titles

I’ve always felt sorry for Jesus ‘cause you know no matter what he ever did, he could never live up to his father.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Miscellaneous

It's your little red wagon, you can push it or pull it.

Miscellaneous

Don’t keep reaching for the stars because you’ll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.

(1974 – ) American comedian, actor, producer & television host
Miscellaneous