Subject: Money (Page 13)

The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, “We want five thousand dollars or you’ll see your kid again.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Money Parents Situations

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Money

If only God would give me some clear sign! … like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God Money Situations

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

(1882 – 1942) American actor
Divorce Marriage Money Time

It's a good idea to save your money; one day it might be worth something again!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Money

Money… was exactly like sex, you thought of nothing else if you didn’t have it and thought of other things if you did.

(1924 – 1987) American novelist, writer, playwright, poet & civil rights activist
Money Sex

I signed with the Milwaukee Braves for three-thousand dollars; that bothered my dad at the time because he didn’t have that kind of dough… but he eventually scraped it up.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Money Sports

About the only difference between the poor and the rich, is… the poor suffer misery, while the rich have to enjoy it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Money People

I bet whenever Trump has to make a decision, he asks himself, “What would a cartoon rich person do?”

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Money

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?

(1918 – 2007) American humor writer
Government Money Taxes

Income: The sum of money which it costs more than to live.

Definitions Money

Exceptions prove the rule… and wreck the budget.

Money Murphy’s Laws

I was having trouble making ends meet, and my beginnings weren't meeting either.

(1924 – 1973) American comic
Money

Spare no expense to make everything as economical as possible.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Misspokements Money

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

(1934 – ) comedian
Money Poverty

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

Money Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Things

An inexorable upward movement leads administrators to higher salaries and narrower spans of control.

Money Murphy’s Laws

Jack was so cheap that instead of bringing his date flowers, he brought her seeds.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Frugal Money

By the time we've made it, we've had it.

(1919 – 1990) publisher & author
Money Situations

In many instances, marriage vows would be more accurate if the phrase were changed to ‘Until debt do us part.’

(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist
Marriage Money