Subject: Money (Page 14)

Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

Money Murphy’s Laws

When it comes to paying, he’s the first to put his hand in his pocket… and leave it there.

Frugal Money

I live in a two-income household… but who knows how long my mom can keep that up.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Family Money Mothers Travel Work

Met a girl the other nite and told her-– “Before you can be with someone you have to know the value of yourself… so does $200 seem reasonable?”

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & television ho
Money Situations

You can't get rich sitting on the bench, but I'm giving it a try.

professional baseball player
Baseball Money Sports

As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.

Money Murphy’s Laws

Whenever you hear the word save, it is usually the beginning of an advertisement designed to make you spend money.

Communication Language Money

Untold Wealth: That which does not appear on income tax returns.

Definitions Government Money Taxes

Yeah, this comedy is all a part of my “Get Rich Slow” scheme… and it’s working.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Entertainment Money Wealth

The first million is the hardest.

(1928 – 2019) American business magnate a&d financier
Money

A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Clothing Money People Women

Let the kids pay it – they still owe us rent and gas money.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
Children Government Money

President Bush wants to spend $7 billion this year to fight the drug dealers in Colombia… but they only earn $3 billion a year; so why don't we pay them $4 billion a year not to grow the cocaine?

American comedian & writer
Drugs Money Places

If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves.

(1922 – 1999) labor union leader, president of the AFL-CIO
Money Wealth Work

Expenditure rises to meet income.

(1909 – 1993) British naval historian & author
Money Murphy’s Laws

I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don’t know what he looks like.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Appearance Money

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Government Money

When you pass the buck, don't ask for change.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Money Situations

You can never be too skinny or too rich.

(1915 – 1978) socialite
Appearance Body Wealth

He was asked to throw out the first ball at a World Series game; but … he looked at the ball and, instead of throwing it, he put it in his pocket and sat down.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Activities Frugal Money Sports

An injured friend of his was going to receive back pay radioactively.

Malaprops Money Time