Subject: Money (Page 16)

Money is like manure; it’s not worth a thing unless it’s spread around encouraging young things to grow.

(1897 – 1975) American author & playwright

1. You can't get anything without working for it.
2. The most you can accomplish by working is to break even.
3. You can only break even at absolute zero.

I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don’t know what he looks like.

(1956 – ) American comedian

Money often costs too much.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher

The client who pays the least complains the most.

The wages of sin are unreported.

It doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor, as long as you’ve got money.

(1902 – 1971) American comedian & singer

Rich men without convictions are more dangerous in modern society than poor women without chastity.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

The more heavily a man is supposed to be taxed, the more power he has to escape being taxed.

Good art is in the wallet of the beholder.

(1958 – ) Australian author

Time is a waste of money.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

Americans are getting stronger; twenty years ago it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries… today, a five-year-old can do it.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian

We were so poor my daddy unplugged the clocks when we went to bed.

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director

Part of the loot went for gambling, part for horses, and part for women; the rest I spent foolishly.

(1895 – 1980) American actor

Sex is like money; only too much is enough.

(1932 – 2009) author, poet & critic

Love conquers all things… except poverty and toothache.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

The tax collector must love poor people, he's creating so many of them.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor

He died of cirrhosis of the liver… it costs money to die of cirrhosis of the liver.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist

A financier is a pawnbroker with imagination.

(1855 – 1934) English dramatist

Blood's not thicker than money.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Poverty is not a disgrace, but it’s terribly inconvenient.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor