Subject: Money (Page 17)

He (Lyndon Johnson) wanted to see poverty, so he came to see my team (1964 New York Mets).

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Misspokements Poverty Sports

A rich man is one who isn’t afraid to ask the salesperson to show him something cheaper.

(1894 – 1974) comedian, radio & television host
Money

Does [life] begin at conception, or does it begin when the baby is an embryo? … anybody with children knows [it] don’t begin ’til they can pay their own damn bills.

(1963 – ) American actor & stand-up comedian
Children Family Money

Nowadays, an after-dinner mint is what you need to pay the restaurant check.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Food/Drink Money

Acquaintance: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Individuals Language Money

I went to the cinema, and the prices were: Adults $5.00, children $2.50; so I said, “Give me two boys and a girl.”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Children Entertainment Money

To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.

Money Murphy’s Laws People Time

Insurance: An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Money

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Language Money

Great moments in science: Einstein discovers that time is actually money.

(1950 – ) American cartoonist The Far Side
Money Science/Weather

No project was ever completed on time and within budget.

Money Murphy’s Laws Time

If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we'd all be millionaires.

(1918 – ) American advice columnist
Money Wealth

When packing for a vacation, take half as much clothing and twice as much money.

Clothing Money Murphy’s Laws

The lagging activity in a project will invariably be found in the area where the highest overtime rates lie waiting.

Money Murphy’s Laws

The Englishman who has lost his fortune is said to have died of a broken heart.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher
Emotions England Money People Places Wealth

All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Money TV/Movie Quotes Work

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Emotions Happiness Money

An injured friend of his was going to receive back pay radioactively.

Malaprops Money Time

It's better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick.

Health Money Murphy’s Laws Wealth

I bet whenever Trump has to make a decision, he asks himself, “What would a cartoon rich person do?”

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Money

The miser and the glutton are two facetious buzzards: one hides his store, and the other stores his hide.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Food/Drink Frugal Money