Subject: Money (Page 19)

A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist

Money enables a man to get along without an education, and education enables him to get along without money.

writer

If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

The free-lance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist

Price: Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear and tear of conscience in demanding it.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Saving is a very fine thing; especially when your parents have it for you.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

A rich man is one who isn’t afraid to ask the salesperson to show him something cheaper.

(1894 – 1974) comedian, radio & television host

Medical insurance is what allows people to be ill at ease!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

People will swim through shit if you put a few bob in it.

(1925 – 1980) British comedian & actor

A lifelong friend is one you haven't borrowed money from yet.

(1914 – 1953) Welsh-born poet & writer

To supplement my income, I sell furniture on the side… I'm down to my couch now.

(1973 – ) American stand-up comedian

He took me to McDonald’s, backed his car through the drive-through window, so the cashier could be on my side.

comedian & radio personality

When a man says money can do anything… he hasn't got any.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor

Donald Trump is not just a rich man, he’s what a hobo imagines a rich man to be.

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer

We were so poor we had to eat dough for breakfast and sit out in the sun for lunch!

I spent all my money on a FAX machine; now I can only FAX collect.

They were living high on the cob.

Telephone psychics are better at making fortunes than at reading them.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Sex is like money; only too much is enough.

(1932 – 2009) author, poet & critic

Auditors always reject any expense account with a bottom line divisible by five or ten.

I miss the $2 bill, ‘cause I can break a two. $20, no. $10, no. $5, maybe, $2? Oh yeah. What do you need, a one and another one?

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian