Subject: Money (Page 22)

An inexorable upward movement leads administrators to higher salaries and narrower spans of control.

You can have all the money in the world, but there’s one thing you will never have… a dinosaur.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

My doctor is wonderful; once, when I couldn’t afford an operation, he touched up the X-rays.

(1918 – 2007) American entertainer, actor & television host

He (Lyndon Johnson) wanted to see poverty, so he came to see my team (1964 New York Mets).

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager

There is only one word for aid that is genuinely without strings, and that word is blackmail.

(1902 – 1977) Scottish journalist & author

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.

(1918 – 2002) Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet & playwright

We were so poor we had to eat dough for breakfast and sit out in the sun for lunch!

It is better to live rich than to die rich.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer

Americans are getting stronger; twenty years ago it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries… today, a five-year-old can do it.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian

Because you are feeding both the child and the floor, raising this child will be expensive.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

Telephone psychics are better at making fortunes than at reading them.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

(1909 – 1959) Australian-born American actor

Time is money, especially when you are talking to a lawyer or buying a commercial.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor

Take Home Pay: An amount of money which is called that because it is never big enough to go anywhere else with it.

The only way not to think about money is to have a great deal of it.

(1862 – 1937) novelist & short story writer

Find out the cost before you get in.

Scotsman: A man who, before sending his pajamas to the laundry, stuffs a sock in each pocket.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Keep up with the Grabowskis… you'll never make enough to keep up with the Joneses.

I've never been a millionaire but I just know I'd be darling at it.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

People will swim through shit if you put a few bob in it.

(1925 – 1980) British comedian & actor