Subject: Money (Page 24)

Nineteen percent of doctors say that they'd be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But they also went on to say that the patient would have to be really, really behind on payments.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Doctors Health Money

My sister just got married; I was the maid of debt in that little event.

(1965 – ) American comedian
Marriage Money Relationships

Exceptions prove the rule… and wreck the budget.

Money Murphy’s Laws

1. Trial balances don't.
2. Working capital doesn't.
3. Liquidity tends to run out.
4. Return on investments won't.

Money Murphy’s Laws

I went to the cinema, and the prices were: Adults $5.00, children $2.50; so I said, “Give me two boys and a girl.”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Children Entertainment Money

Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.

(1886 – 1975) American fiction writer
Characteristics Money Poverty Situations Wealth

You know you poor when you eatin’ breakfast food late; you fryin’ toast?… at nine o’clock at night?… with bacon?… you’re broke.

(1957 – 2008) American comedian & actor
Food/Drink Money Poverty

I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Education Money School

Nobody ever lost a dollar by underestimating the taste of the American public.

(1810 – 1891) American politician, showman & businessman
Characteristics Money People

If the law-makers make a compromise, the place where it will be felt most is the taxpayer’s pocket.

Money Murphy’s Laws Politicians

I grew up in a poor family… I had to cut everyone’s hair, because we didn’t have money for entertainment.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Money Poverty Situations

We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Money Science/Weather

Saving is a very fine thing; especially when your parents have done it for you.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Money

No man's credit is as good as his money.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Money People

If only God would give me some clear sign! … like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God Money Situations

The trouble with the profit system has always been that it was highly unprofitable to most people.

(1899 – 1985) US author & humorist
Money People

Love conquers all things… except poverty and toothache.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Emotions Health Love Money

By the time you get to the point where you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

Money Murphy’s Laws Time

Does [life] begin at conception, or does it begin when the baby is an embryo? … anybody with children knows [it] don’t begin ’til they can pay their own damn bills.

(1963 – ) American actor & stand-up comedian
Children Family Money

Money can't buy happiness; it can, however, rent it.

Emotions Happiness Money

I'd rather be rich than stupid.

Intelligence Money Stupidity Wealth