Subject: Money (Page 24)

I live in a two-income household… but who knows how long my mom can keep that up.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Family Money Mothers Travel Work

Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money.

Lerman's Corollary: You are never given enough time or money.

Money Murphy’s Laws Problems Time

After a salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you had before.

Money Murphy’s Laws Work

How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Fools Intelligence Money

I know it’s often been said that money won’t make you happy and this is undeniably true, but everything else being equal, it’s a lovely thing to have around the house.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Emotions Happiness Money

Rich men without convictions are more dangerous in modern society than poor women without chastity.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Beliefs Money People Wealth

I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Education Money School

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Money

Prison inmates are treated to cable TV, hot meals and a college education, while on the outside some people can only afford these things through a life of crime!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Conflict Crime Money

It is not economical to go to bed early to save the candles if the result is twins.

Children Money Proverbs Sex

That's Jack Benny; he's always out there on bad days like that looking for golf balls.

(1902 – 1977) American singer & actor
Frugal Money

There is only one thing for a man to do who is married to a woman who enjoys spending money, and that is enjoy earning it.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Husbands Marriage Money Wives

In many instances, marriage vows would be more accurate if the phrase were changed to ‘Until debt do us part.’

(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist
Marriage Money

There are two distinctive classes of people today, those who have personal computers, and those who have several thousand extra dollars apiece.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Computers Money People Things

I knew something was wrong with the economy when the shampoo girl at my salon closed on a six bedroom house.

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
Money Situations

People who say that money can't buy happiness just don't know where to shop.

(1958 – ) Australian author
Emotions Happiness Money People Shopping

The rich aren’t like us… they pay less taxes.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
People Taxes Wealth

The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Money Past Time

If you’re wondering if you have enough money to take the family out to eat tonight, you don’t.

(1917 – 1994) American writer
Money

A rich man has no need of character.

Wealth

An injured friend of his was going to receive back pay radioactively.

Malaprops Money Time