Subject: Money (Page 25)

If ignorance ever goes to $40 a barrel, I want drilling rights on George Bush's head.

(1943 – ) U.S. agriculture commissioner, columnist, activist & author
Insults Intelligence Money

Saving is a very fine thing; especially when your parents have it for you.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Money

In this country you’re guilty until proven wealthy.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
America Government Law Money Wealth

It is true that wealth won't make a man virtuous, but I notice there ain't anybody who wants to be poor just for the purpose of being good.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Money Poverty Wealth

No matter what stage of completion one reaches in a North Sea (oil) field, the cost of the remainder of the project remains the same.

Money Murphy’s Laws

Rich people are just like us though they now eat their meals off square shaped plates.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Eating Food/Drink Money Wealth

Met a girl the other nite and told her-– “Before you can be with someone you have to know the value of yourself… so does $200 seem reasonable?”

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & television ho
Money Situations

Bing (Crosby) doesn't pay income tax; he just calls the government and says, 'How much do you boys need?'

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government Money Taxes Wealth

If I was earning £1 a race, I'd still be a racing driver – just a poor one.

British auto racer
Auto racing Money Sports

Just give every coach the same amount of money and tell them they can keep what’s left over.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Money Sports

Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the National Debt.

(1929 – 1933) 31st U.S. president, humanitarian
Age Government Money Young

My retirement plan is a slippery floor at a department store.

American comedian
Law Money

A dollar saved is a quarter earned.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Government Money

There were many times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist
Appearance Clothing Money Poverty

I got an E-Trade account… turns out I can turn $1,000 into $420 in less than a week.

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer
Money

1. Always hire a rich solicitor.

2. Never buy from a rich salesman.

Lawyers Money Murphy’s Laws Wealth

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Money People Wealth Work

My sister just got married; I was the maid of debt in that little event.

(1965 – ) American comedian
Marriage Money Relationships

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Children Eating Food/Drink Money

We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Money Science/Weather