Subject: Money (Page 26)

 I don't like talking about money; all I know is the good Lord must have wanted me to have it.

professional basketball player, coach & executive
Basketball Money Sports

Oh God, bills, bills, bills. … Honestly Baldrick, sometimes I feel like a pelican – whichever way I turn, I’ve still got an enormous bill in front of me.

(1955 – ) English actor
Money TV/Movie Quotes

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

(1882 – 1942) American actor
Divorce Marriage Money Time

If only God would give me some clear sign! … like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God Money Situations

The first time you go out after your wife’s birthday, you will see the gift you gave her marked down fifty percent.
Corollary: If she’s with you, she’ll assume you chose it because it was cheap.

Husbands Money Murphy’s Laws Shopping Wives

I don't like money, actually, but it quiets my nerves.

(1914 – 1981) American boxing champion
Money

A high paying rush job comes in only after you've committed to a low paying rush job.

Money Murphy’s Laws Work

Committee reports dealing with wages, salaries, fringe benefits, facilities, computers, employee parking, libraries, coffee breaks, secretarial support, etc., always call for dramatic expenditure increases.

Money Murphy’s Laws

Ever notice how many government officials make their raises effective long before they ever are?

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Government Money

The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill.

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author
Money

I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Education Money School

The best simple-minded test of expertise in a particular area is the ability to win money in a series of bets on future occurrences in that area.

Money Murphy’s Laws

The most popular labor saving device is still money.

(1949 – ) American beauty queen, businesswoman, actress & sportscaster
Money

I'd marry again if I found a man who had 15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he'd be dead within a year.

(1908 – 1989) American actress of film, television & theater
Marriage Money

He was so cheap, for example, that when Mary asked for diamonds for her birthday he bought her two of them… the eight and the queen.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Activities Frugal Money

The compromise will always be more expensive than either of the suggestions it is compromising.

Money Murphy’s Laws

Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind.

Men Money People Women

Las Vegas is the oasis of outstretched palms.

English boxing journalist & commentator
Boxing Money Sports Wordplay

I told you I needed to feed my family; they offered me 3 years at $21 million – that’s not going to cut it.

professional basketball player
Basketball Money Sports

When there are sufficient funds in the checking account, checks take two weeks to clear; when there are insufficient funds, checks clear overnight.

Money Murphy’s Laws Time

People try to live within their income so they can afford to pay taxes to a government that can't live within its income.

businessman
Government Money Taxes