Subject: Money (Page 26)

Whatever goes us, stays up.

Government Money Murphy’s Laws Taxes

The main purpose of the stock market is to make fools of as many men as possible.

(1870 – 1965) businessman & politician
Money

My wife donates money to the homeless and I donate money to the topless.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Money Wives

Yeah, this comedy is all a part of my “Get Rich Slow” scheme… and it’s working.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Entertainment Money Wealth

Nowadays, an after-dinner mint is what you need to pay the restaurant check.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Food/Drink Money

I remember sitting down with the Rockets and saying, 'Yeah. I'm going to retire.' They said, 'Well, we'll give you $9 million.' And I said, 'You got a pen on you?'

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Money Sports

It's better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick.

Health Money Murphy’s Laws Wealth

Expenditure rises to meet income.

Money Murphy’s Laws

Nothing stimulates the appetite like an empty billfold.

Money

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Money

Four hundred bucks an hour for being sort of nice to sad people.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & voice actor
Doctors Health Money Occupations

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.

(1918 – 2002) Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet & playwright
Emotions Happiness Money

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.


Activities Emotions Happiness Money Shopping

Medical insurance is what allows people to be ill at ease!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Health Money

President Bush wants to spend $7 billion this year to fight the drug dealers in Colombia… but they only earn $3 billion a year; so why don't we pay them $4 billion a year not to grow the cocaine?

American comedian & writer
Drugs Money Places

Americans are getting stronger; twenty years ago it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries… today, a five-year-old can do it.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Money

We were poor… if I wasn’t a boy, I wouldn’t have had nothing to play with.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
Money Poverty Self

People try to live within their income so they can afford to pay taxes to a government that can't live within its income.

businessman
Government Money Taxes

I learned more about the economy from one South Dakota dust storm that I did in all my years of college.

(1911 – 1978) U.S. vice president & politician
Government Money Science/Weather

The Jack Benny I knew threw his money around… not far – but he threw it.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Frugal Money

I told you I needed to feed my family; they offered me 3 years at $21 million – that’s not going to cut it.

professional basketball player
Basketball Money Sports