Subject: Money (Page 26)

Jack was so cheap that instead of bringing his date flowers, he brought her seeds.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

Money doesn’t talk, it swears.

(1941 – ) American singer & songwriter

The Yankees don’t pay me to win every day, just two out of three.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager

Telephone psychics are better at making fortunes than at reading them.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

I paid too much for it, but it’s worth it.

(1879 – 1974) film producer

Honesty is the best policy – when there is money in it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

The free-lance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist

No matter how little money and how few possessions you own, having a dog makes you rich.

It seems to be a law in American life that whatever enriches us anywhere except in the wallet inevitably becomes uneconomic.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist

Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?

(1918 – 2007) American humor writer

Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.

(1886 – 1975) American fiction writer

The girl who marries for money may find herself in debt for life.

writer

France is a place where the money falls apart in your hands but you cannot tear the toilet paper.

(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer

No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.

From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist

Inflation: When nobody has enough money because everybody has too much.

The difference between playing the stock market and the horses is that one of the horses must win.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist

Before borrowing from a friend, decide which you need most.

There was a time when a fool and his money were soon parted, but now it happens to everybody.

(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician

He was asked to throw out the first ball at a World Series game; but … he looked at the ball and, instead of throwing it, he put it in his pocket and sat down.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer