Subject: Money (Page 30)

Today, it takes more brains and effort to make out the income-tax form than it does to make the income.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Government Money Taxes

1. Trial balances don't.
2. Working capital doesn't.
3. Liquidity tends to run out.
4. Return on investments won't.

Money Murphy’s Laws

My church accepts all denominations – fivers, tenners, twenties.

(1936 – 2005) Irish comedian
Beliefs Money

A little incompatibility is the spice of life, as long as he has income and she is pattable.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Appearance Body Money Situations Women

There is no stronger craving in the world than that of the rich for titles, except that of the titled for riches.

(1887 – 1964) British actor, writer & theater director
Money Wealth

Tradition is what you resort to when you don’t have the time or the money to do it right.

(1905 – 1988) Austrian-born American conductor
Money Situations Time

After what happened to my 401k, my new retirement plan is the Rapture.

American comedian
Money

The only difference between a pigeon and the American farmer today is that a pigeon can still make a deposit on a John Deere.

(1943 – ) U.S. agriculture commissioner, columnist, activist & author
Animals Money

It was all the wolf could do to keep us away from his door.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Animals Money Poverty

U.S. Audit Finds Funds For Youth Misspent

Headlines Money

Money is like manure; it’s not worth a thing unless it’s spread around encouraging young things to grow.

(1897 – 1975) American author & playwright
Money

The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
Children Family Money

The reason Jack Benny is looking so sad these days is that he’s not only losing a daughter – but losing a deduction too.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Frugal Money

In the nineteenth century, life was hard for Europe’s pheasants.

Malaprops People Poverty

It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Art Money People

If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we'd all be millionaires.

(1918 – ) American advice columnist
Money Wealth

Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.

(1860 – 1917) Scottish politician & judge
Emotions Love Money

Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners.

American entrepreneur & author
Autos Money Things

My wife donates money to the homeless and I donate money to the topless.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Money Wives

If my films don’t show a profit, I know I’m doing something right.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Entertainment Film Money

If you want to know what God thinks of money, you only have to look at those to whom he gives it.

(1874 – 1945) English writer, translator & war correspondent
Beliefs God Money