Subject: Money (Page 31)

Whenever he saw a dollar in another man's hands he took it as a personal grudge, if he couldn't take it any other way.

William Sydney Porter (1862 – 1910) American writer

Love goes out the door when money comes innuendo.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author

My mom bought cookies… and they were never the good cookies; it was always the pack of 1000 that said: 'Cookies.'

comedian

You can't put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.

(1977 – ) Irish actress, producer & writer

I don't mind their having a lot of money, and I don't care how they employ it, but I do think that they damn well ought to admit they enjoy it.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet

If past history was all there was to the game, the richest people would be librarians.

(1930 – ) financier & investment businessman

It's so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

The happiest time in a man's life is when he is in the red hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable prospect of overtaking it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

A rich man has no need of character.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so you can die rich.

Price: Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear and tear of conscience in demanding it.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor

When you don’t have any money, the problem is food; when you have money, it’s sex; when you have both, it’s health.

(1926 – ) Irish American novelist & playwright

Acquaintance: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

I learned more about the economy from one South Dakota dust storm that I did in all my years of college.

(1911 – 1978) U.S. vice president & politician

Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.

(1869 – 1944) Canadian economist & humorist

If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

You can make a lot of money in this game; just ask my ex-wives; both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer

Before borrowing from a friend, decide which you need most.