Subject: Money (Page 31)

Last week I told my psychiatrist, “I keep thinking about suicide,” and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Health Money

Every crowd has a silver lining.

(1810 – 1891) American politician, showman & businessman
Money People

What the insurance companies have done is to reverse the business so that the public at large insures the insurance companies.


Money

Prosperity is the best protector of principle.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Money

If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re probably broke.

Emotions Love Money

Upper Crust: People stuck together by their dough.

Definitions Money People

He found it inconvenient to be poor.

(1731 – 1800) English poet & hymn-writer
Money Poverty

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Government Money

You never want the one you can afford.

Money Murphy’s Laws

Money is not the most important thing in the world, love is… fortunately, I love money.

(1934 – ) comedian
Emotions Love Money

I don’t want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.

(1894 – 1974) comedian, radio & television host
Communication Money

A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides by governors.

Money Murphy’s Laws Politicians

When it comes to finances, remember that there are no withholding taxes on the wages of sin.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Government Money Taxes

Bankruptcy: A fate worse than debt.

Definitions Money

My doctor is wonderful; once, when I couldn’t afford an operation, he touched up the X-rays.

(1918 – 2007) American entertainer, actor & television host
Doctors Health Money

Retirement means twice as much husband on half as much money.

Marriage Money Wives Work

Change is inevitable… except from vending machines.

Money Signs

Being young is not having any money; being young is not minding not having any money

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
Age Money Young

Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money.

(1864 – 1910) French author
Communication Money Reading/Writing

No matter how little money and how few possessions you own, having a dog makes you rich.

Animals Dogs Money Wealth

(Jack) Benny’s so cheap he wouldn’t give you the parsley off his fish.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Frugal Money