Subject: Money (Page 33)

1. If you want something badly, that's how you get it. 2. Many "get-rich-quick" schemes make millionaires – out of multi-millionaries.

It ain't no disgrace to be poor, but it might as well be.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist

The book you spent $20.95 for today will come out in paperback tomorrow.

We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

(1934 – ) comedian

The most expensive component is the one that breaks.

The dollar will never fall as low as what some people will do to get it.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

There was a time when a fool and his money were soon parted, but now it happens to everybody.

(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician

Maybe money corrupts the character; but lack of money isn't going to improve it either.

(1902 – 1968) novelist

All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

A hotel mini-bar allows you to see into the future and what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2020.

(1954 – ) American comedian, writer & musician

I got an E-Trade account… turns out I can turn $1,000 into $420 in less than a week.

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer

No project was ever completed on time and within budget.

Money can’t buy friends, but it can get you a better class of enemy.

(1918 – 2002) Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet & playwright

Money can’t buy happiness, but neither can poverty.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist

If a man works like a horse for his money, there are a lot of girls anxious to take him down the bridal path.

(1922 – 2018) comedian & actor

My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian

It’s morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Why spoil a good meal with a big tip?

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor

Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

The most popular labor-saving device today is still a husband with money.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist