Subject: Money (Page 35)

Inflation: Being broke with a lot of money in your pocket.

Definitions Money

I knew something was wrong with the economy when the shampoo girl at my salon closed on a six bedroom house.

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
Money Situations

Rich widows are the only secondhand goods that sell at first-class prices.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Money

I am a poor man, but I have this consolation: I am poor by accident, not by design.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Accidents Money Poverty

The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Happiness Intelligence Money Poverty Wealth

I got an E-Trade account… turns out I can turn $1,000 into $420 in less than a week.

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer
Money

When you drop change at a vending machine, the pennies will fall nearby, while all the other coins will roll out of sight.

Money Murphy’s Laws

I know a baseball star who wouldn't report the theft of his wife's credit cards because the thief spends less than she does.

(1926 – 2016) American baseball player, announcer & television host
Conflict Crime Money

I remember sitting down with the Rockets and saying, 'Yeah. I'm going to retire.' They said, 'Well, we'll give you $9 million.' And I said, 'You got a pen on you?'

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Money Sports

Among the propensities of humans which almost exceed understanding come the parsimony of the rich and the extravagance of the poor.

Money Poverty Wealth

Part of the loot went for gambling, part for horses, and part for women; the rest I spent foolishly.

(1895 – 1980) American actor
Money

Bargain: anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Money Shopping

A little incompatibility is the spice of life, as long as he has income and she is pattable.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Appearance Body Money Situations Women

…if you rub up against money long enough, some of it may rub off on you.

(1990 – 1946) newspaperman & writer
Money

The best investment opportunities are encountered when you are broke.

Money Murphy’s Laws

It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money.

(1818 – 1885) humorist & lecturer
Money Time

Debt means you had more fun than you were supposed to.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
Money

I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Money

A good film is when the price of the dinner, the theatre admission and the babysitter were worth it.

(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer
Entertainment Film Money

The main purpose of the stock market is to make fools of as many men as possible.

(1870 – 1965) businessman & politician
Money

The Catholic Church is still very angry about The Da Vinci Code… they don’t like anything that makes more money in a weekend than they do.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Entertainment Film Money