Subject: Money (Page 5)

Today, I bought a pastrami sandwich: $13.75; walked back out in the street – genuine Rolex watch: six bucks.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Money New York City Places

You know the economy is bad when illegals start complaining that Americans are taking their jobs.

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
Government Money

Having your lawyer pay for lunch will be very expensive in the end.

Lawyers Money

Medical insurance is what allows people to be ill at ease!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Health Money

So far, I haven’t heard of anybody who wants to stop living on account of the cost.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Death Life Money

The reason Jack Benny is looking so sad these days is that he’s not only losing a daughter – but losing a deduction too.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Frugal Money

Broke as a whore during lent.

Money Poverty

I'd rather be rich than stupid.

Intelligence Money Stupidity Wealth

Politicians who vote huge expenditures to alleviate problems get re-elected; those who propose structural changes to prevent problems get early retirement.

Government Money Murphy’s Laws Politicians

In the business world, the rearview mirror is always clearer than the windshield.

(1930 – ) financier & investment businessman
Money

I signed with the Milwaukee Braves for three-thousand dollars; that bothered my dad at the time because he didn’t have that kind of dough… but he eventually scraped it up.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Money Sports

My retirement plan is a slippery floor at a department store.

American comedian
Law Money

I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Money Things

If the Lord had more respect for money, He would have given it to a higher class of people.

(1928 – 2014) American actor
Money TV/Movie Quotes

Lack of money is the root of all evil.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Money Poverty

Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.

(1915 – 2005) playwright & essayist
Money

Nobody's ever offered me money to have sex… sure – a Bud Light and a basket of curly fries, but not cash.

(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor
Money Sex

Philanthropist: A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Wealth

Anybody who plays the stock market not as an insider is like a man buying cows in the moonlight.

(1797 – 1879) American businessman & speculator
Activities Money

I've never been a millionaire but I just know I'd be darling at it.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Characteristics Money Wealth

When a fellow says it ain't the money but the principle of the thing, it's the money.

Charles Farrar Browne (1834 – 1867) humorist
Money