Subject: Money (Page 8)

If the guy was poor, I’d give it back.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager

In spite of the cost of living, it’s still popular.

(1880 – 1966) American novelist

(Jack) Benny’s so cheap he wouldn’t give you the parsley off his fish.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

The Catholic Church is still very angry about The Da Vinci Code… they don’t like anything that makes more money in a weekend than they do.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so you can die rich.

If John Kerry had a dollar for every time he bragged about serving in Vietnam… oh wait, he does!

(1961 – ) American lawyer, political commentator, author & syndicated columnist

Money… was exactly like sex, you thought of nothing else if you didn’t have it and thought of other things if you did.

(1924 – 1987) American novelist, writer, playwright, poet & civil rights activist

A good film is when the price of the dinner, the theatre admission and the babysitter were worth it.

(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer

I got an E-Trade account… turns out I can turn $1,000 into $420 in less than a week.

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer

I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

I paid too much for it, but it’s worth it.

(1879 – 1974) film producer

If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.

(1933 – 1997) Anglo-French billionaire financier

The happiest time in a man's life is when he is in the red hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable prospect of overtaking it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

He found it inconvenient to be poor.

(1731 – 1800) English poet & hymn-writer

He was so cheap, for example, that when Mary asked for diamonds for her birthday he bought her two of them… the eight and the queen.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable.

(1903 – 1987 diplomat, playwright, journalist & politician

Debt means you had more fun than you were supposed to.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host

You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap!

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & actress

A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides by governors.

I’m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

(1894 – 1962) American poet, painter, essayist, author & playwright

[Charles Dickens] was the bravest man who ever lived; he fathered ten children before they became tax deductions.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer