Subject: Murphy’s Laws (Page 38)

If you drop a full can of beer, and remember to rap the top sharply with your knuckle prior to opening, the ensuing gush of foam will be between 89 and 94 percent of the volume that would splatter you if you didn't do a damned thing and went ahead and pulled the top immediately.

The number of people in any working group tends to increase regardless of the amount of work to be done.

The amount of wind will vary inversely with the number and experience of the people you take on board.

When a politician gets an idea, he usually gets it wrong.

Never say “oops” while your patient is conscious.

There is nothing more permanent than a temporary tax.

The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability.

Any program will expand to fill available memory.

Success is the result of behavior that completely contradicts the usual expectations about the behavior of a successful person.

After a salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you had before.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.

No matter how minor the task, you will inevitably end up covered with grease and motor oil.

Winners tell funny stories; losers holler "Deal!"

Recoilless rifles – aren’t.

If it jams, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

Never, ever, fly on the airline of the country from which you are departing.

The one course you must take to graduate will not be offered during your last semester.

Any inanimate object, regardless of its position, configuration or purpose, may be expected to perform at any time in a totally unexpected manner for reasons that are either entirely obscure or else completely mysterious.

Always keep the office door closed. This puts visitors on the defensive and also makes it look as if you are always in an important conference.

Those who live closest arrive latest.

Grass growing from sidewalk cracks never turns brown.