Subject: Murphy’s Laws (Page 45)

If the probability of success is not almost one, then it is damn near zero.

Avoid any action with an unacceptable outcome.

The one ingredient you made a special trip to the store to get will be the one thing your guest is allergic to.

The faster the plane, the narrower the seats.

There are 32 points to the compass, meaning that there are 32 directions in which a spoon can squirt grapefruit; yet, the juice almost invariably flies straight into the human eye.

No matter how many beautifully crafted, near-to-perfection baked goods you crank out on a regular basis, the moment one such item becomes required in some official capacity, it will flop.

Early to bed and early to rise makes a man tired in mid afternoon.

Any experiment is reproducible until another laboratory tries to repeat it.

1. Everything is cold except what should be. 2. Everything, including the corn flakes, is greasy.

Find out the cost before you get in.

Those who are most moral are farthest from the problem.

The more money the free agent signs for, the less effective he is the following season.

Use it or lose it.

Those whose approval you seek the most give you the least.

public relations manager

The more complicated and grandiose the plan, the greater the chance of a screw-up.

Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel.

Traffic congestion increases in proportion to the length of time the street is supervised by a traffic control officer.

Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.

You will need three umbrellas: one to leave at the office, one to leave at home, and one to leave on the train.

After large expenditures of federal, state, and county funds; after much confusion generated by detours and road blocks; after greatly annoying the surrounding population with noise, dust, and fumes – the previously existing traffic jam is relocated by one-half mile.

1. The length of stay of out-of-town guests is inversely proportional to their desirability. 2. There are three absolute maxims for the handyman – your garden hose, extension cord and ladder are always too short.