Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Murphy’s Laws
(Page 6)
View All Murphys Laws
The first shall be last and the last shall be first, but if you're in the middle, you're stuck there.
Newman's Observation
Murphy’s Laws
Problems
Situations
No matter what goes wrong, there’s always someone who will say he knew it would.
Murphy’s Fifth Corollary
Murphy’s Laws
People
Problems
Those with the best advice offer no advice.
Dave's Law of Advice
Murphy’s Laws
People
Advice
Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons!
A Murphy's Military Law
Arms
Conflict
Military
Murphy’s Laws
Reading/Writing
When you move something to a more logical place, you only can remember where it
used
to be and your decision to move it.
Alicia’s Discovery
Murphy’s Laws
Things
Alicia Dustria
All things being equal, you lose.
Corollary: All things being in your favor, you still lose.
Todd’s Law
Murphy’s Laws
(also Alan’s Law)
Losing
Negative expectation thwarts realization, and self-congratulation guarantees disaster. (Or, simply put… if you think of it, it won't happen quite that way.)
Thwartz's Theorem of Low Profile
Murphy’s Laws
Expectations
Everybody wants to build and nobody wants to do maintenance.
Vonnegut’s Venting
Murphy’s Laws
Kurt Vonnegut in “Hocus Pocus”
Digestion is the great secret of life.
(Sydney) Smith’s Secret
Life
Murphy’s Laws
(Sydney Smith)
Digestion
In your toughest final – for the first time all year – the most distractingly attractive student in the class will sit next to you.
Second Law of Final Exams
Education
Murphy’s Laws
School
Exams
Kickbacks must always exceed bribes.
The Hidden Truth of Management
Murphy’s Laws
Bribes
Management
1. Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
2. Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.
3. If at first you don't succeed, try something else.
Peter's Corollaries
Murphy’s Laws
People
Work
Incompetence
Once you overcome your fear of public speaking, you’ll never be asked to speak again.
Batts Second Law
Communication
Murphy’s Laws
Speech
Al Batt
Disorder expands proportionately to the tolerance for it.
Welwood's Axiom
Murphy’s Laws
Disorder
‘Push’ is the force exerted upon the door marked PULL.
Filson's Law
Murphy’s Laws
Science/Weather
Force
A rumor will travel fastest to the place where it will cause the greatest harm.
Agrait’s Law
Murphy’s Laws
Gustavo Agrait
Rumor
1. If you like it, they don't have it in your size. 2. If you like it and its in your size, it doesn't fit anyway. 3. If you like it and it fits, you can't afford it. 4. If you like it, it fits, and you can afford it, it falls apart the first time you wash it.
Hadley's Laws of Clothing Shopping
Appearance
Clothing
Murphy’s Laws
Shopping
Nature will tell you a direct lie if she can.
Darwin's Observation
Lies
Murphy’s Laws
There is a tendency for the person in the most powerful position in an organization to spend all his time serving on committees and signing letters.
Oesner's Law
Murphy’s Laws
Time
Committees
Typesetters always correct intentional errors, but fail to correct unintentional ones.
Otten's Law of Typesetting
Murphy’s Laws
Errors
Typesetters
Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.
Erhard's Contention
Murphy’s Laws
Page 6 of 88
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