Subject: Murphy’s Laws (Page 83)

In a social situation, the most difficult thing to do is usually the right thing to do.

No one is as ugly as their passport photo.

In approaching a double door, you will always go to the one door that is locked, pull when you should have pushed, and push when the sign says pull.

Murphy's Law was not propounded by Murphy, but by another man with the same name.

Murphy's Law cannot be proven, yet is correct, as when you try to prove Murphy's Law, you will see that the proof is incorrect. This is obviously due to Murphy's Law, therefore Murphy's Law is correct and proven.

The client who pays you the least complains the most.

Verbs has to agree with their subject.

To estimate the time it takes to do a task, estimate the time you think it should take, multiply by two, and change the unit of measure to the next highest unit. (Example: allocate two days for a one-hour task)

The cream rises to the top. So does the scum.

Nothing is so frustrating as a bad situation that is beginning to improve.

1. All the IVs are at the other end of the hall.

2. There are two kinds of adhesive tape: the one that won't stay on and the one that won't come off.

If the converse of a statement is absurd, the original statement is an insult to the intelligence and should never have been said.

Every silver lining has a cloud.

When an irresistible force meets an immovable object, an unethical lawyer will immediately appear.

Hypocrisy is the Vaseline of social intercourse.

If you don't need it and don't want it you can have tons of it.

When dangling, don't use participles.

At any particular time, there are more horse's asses in the world than horses.

There is no such thing as an unattached woman.

Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.

In a three-story building served by one elevator, nine times out of ten the elevator car will be on a floor where you are not.