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humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Murphy’s Laws
(Page 83)
View All Murphys Laws
1. The length of stay of out-of-town guests is inversely proportional to their desirability. 2. There are three absolute maxims for the handyman – your garden hose, extension cord and ladder are always too short.
Willey’s Discoveries
Murphy’s Laws
Boots Willey
Envelopes and stamps which don't stick when you lick them will stick to other things when you don't want them to.
Fourth Law of Office Murphology
Murphy’s Laws
Problems
Things
Envelopes
Stamps
The best simple-minded test of expertise in a particular area is the ability to win money in a series of bets on future occurrences in that area.
Allison's Precept
Money
Murphy’s Laws
Betting
Expertise
If you drop a full can of beer, and remember to rap the top sharply with your knuckle prior to opening, the ensuing gush of foam will be between 89 and 94 percent of the volume that would splatter you if you didn't do a damned thing and went ahead and pulled the top immediately.
Goulden's Axiom of the Bouncing Can
Alcohol
Beer
Food/Drink
Murphy’s Laws
Situations
Don't ever stand up to be counted or someone will take your seat.
Engle's Law
Murphy’s Laws
Seats
Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
Ducharme's Precept
Murphy’s Laws
Situations
Time
Opportunity
If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.
Anonymous Murphy's Law
Murphy’s Laws
Answers
Solutions
If, while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary qualifications, that field's employment is glutted.
Marguerite Emmons
Education
Learning
Murphy’s Laws
School
Employment
Qualifications
When in the course of human affairs – your spouse always finds out.
Lazar's Law
Husbands
Marriage
Murphy’s Laws
Wives
Changing things is central to leadership, and changing them before anyone else is creativeness.
Jay’s First Law of Leadership
Murphy’s Laws
Change
Leadership
The quality of a champagne is judged by the amount of noise the cork makes when it is popped.
Mencken and Nathan's Ninth Law of The Average American
Alcohol
Food/Drink
Murphy’s Laws
Champagne
The length of a meeting rises with the square of the number of people present.
Shanahan's Law
Murphy’s Laws
Meetings
Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
Corollary: Corresponding errors will show up in the duplicate while the boss is reading it.
First Law of Office Murphology
Communication
Mistakes
Murphy’s Laws
Problems
Letters
The customer is always ripe.
Peter’s Salesmanship Rule
Activities
Murphy’s Laws
Shopping
Laurence J. Peter
The only way a reporter should look at a politician is down.
Kent's Law
Government
Murphy’s Laws
Opinion
Politicians
Reporters
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
A Murphy's Military Law
Military
Murphy’s Laws
If you do something which you are sure will meet with everybody's approval, somebody won't like it.
Chisholm's First Corollary
Murphy’s Laws
Approval
Experts in advanced countries underestimate by a factor of 2 to 4 the ability of people in underdeveloped countries to do anything technical.
Issawi's Law of Estimation of Error
Intelligence
Murphy’s Laws
Places
Capabilities
Underdeveloped countries
It's bad luck to be superstititious.
Law of Superstition
Beliefs
Murphy’s Laws
Luck
Superstition
If you can’t get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
Shaw’s Solution
Murphy’s Laws
Family skeleton
George Bernard Shaw
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you will have to catch up.
Stenderup's Law
Murphy’s Laws
Time
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