Subject: People (Page 102)

Younger Generation: A group that is alike in many disrespects.

Age Definitions People Young

We still… cannot catch Osama bin Laden, but we nailed Martha Stewart's ass to the wall.

(1964 – ) American comedian & actor
Failure Government Law People

It requires a surgical operation to get a joke well into a Scotch understanding.

(1771 – 1845) English writer & Anglican clergyman
Entertainment People Places

I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Girls Life Sex

If Jeffrey Dahmer lived in New York, New Yorkers would have been like, 'Hey, you think that apartment's available?'

comedian, television writer
New York City People Places

We were poor… if I wasn’t a boy, I wouldn’t have had nothing to play with.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
Money Poverty Self

Larry King is so old, he's actually one of the Jews that killed Christ.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Age Old People

Bachelor: A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.

Definitions Men People Relationships

The hardest thing to stop is a temporary chairman.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
People Situations

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Beliefs People

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Communication People Speech

We need a twelve-step group for compulsive talkers; they could call it On Anon Anon.

(1959 – ) American comedian
Communication People Speech

A wedding invitation is sent by people who have been saying, “Do we have to ask them?” to people whose first response is, “How much do you think we have to spend on them?”

(1938 – ) journalist, columnist (Miss Manners)
Money People

Sooner or later, I'll be punctual.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Self Time

Jerry Ford is so dumb that he can't fart and chew gum at the same time.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Insults Opinion People

Given the unlikely options of attending a funeral or a sex orgy, a true Irishman will always opt for the funeral.

(1928 – 2002) Irish playwright, novelist & essayist
People Places

My face looks like a wedding cake left out in the rain.


(1907 – 1973) poet & critic
Appearance Body People Self

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars

Men People Women

Only a man who has loved a woman of genius can appreciate what happiness there is in loving a fool.

(1754 – 1838) French prime minister & diplomat
Fools Intelligence Marriage Men Women

Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Individuals Language

Everyone I like stays the hell away from me.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Age Friends People