Subject: People (Page 103)

I’m fairly certain that the only reason I was born crippled was because God knew I wouldn’t be able to resist the urge to become a stripper.

American comedian
Health People Self

The English instinctively admire any man who has no talent and is modest about it.

(1877 – 1947) British diarist & critic
Characteristics England People Places

Irish people are Italians who can’t dress, Jamaicans who can’t dance.

(1960 – ) Irish singer-songwriter, musician, philanthropist & publicity seeker
People Places

Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Age Characteristics Men People Sports

Is a narcissist’s suicide a crime of passion?


People Self

Everyone has a scheme that will not work.

Murphy’s Laws People

Every man serves a useful purpose: A miser, for example, makes a wonderful ancestor.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Money People

Marry an outdoors woman; then if you throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Marriage People Women

We have a strange and wonderful relationship – he's strange and I'm wonderful.

(1939 – ) American football player & coach
People

One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Money People Shopping Women

Accuracy to a newspaper is what virtue is to a lady, except that a newspaper can always print a retraction.

(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician
People

She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Success Women

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Intelligence Language People Thinking Women

Elvis transcends his talent to the point of dispensing with it altogether.

(1945 – ) author, music journalist & cultural critic
People Situations Success

Even paranoids have enemies.

Murphy’s Laws People

The two most important jobs in America are held by foreigners – room service and goal-kicking.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Occupations People Sports Work

If you were to second guess your decision to book time at a Native American community, that would be a reservation reservation reservation.

(1957 – ) American comedian
People

Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Clothing People Women

To make an enemy, do someone a favor.

Murphy’s Laws People

Pacifist: A fellow who could attend a peace conference without getting into a fight.

Conflict Definitions Fights People

You might be a redneck if… you've ever worn a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn't.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Clothing People Rednecks