Subject: People (Page 107)

You might be a redneck if… your ironing board doubles as a buffet table.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Things

You might be a redneck if… you have a bumper sticker that says, "MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH."

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Education Mothers People Rednecks School

One thing in which the sexes are equal is in thinking that they're not.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Intelligence Men People Women

Hell is other people.

(1905 – 1980) French existentialist philosopher, playwright & novelist,
Beliefs People

Baseball is dull only to those with dull minds.

(1905–1982) American sportswriter
Baseball Intelligence People Sports

She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
People

Insanity in individuals is something rare – but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.

(1844 – 1900) German philosopher
Government Health People

I had a girlfriend that was so fat she wore a "Cross Your Thighs" bra.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Clothing Fat Girlfriends People

I never apologize… I’m sorry but that’s the way I am.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Self TV/Movie Quotes

You really wanna know what you look like to other people?… have a child draw you.

(1975 – ) American comedian & talk radio personality
Appearance People Self

My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut; I don’t understand why she’s crying… I’m the one who has to get a new girlfriend.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Girlfriends People Situations

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Entertainment People Self

Say what you want about the deaf…

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Communication People Speech

I’ve been married to one Marxist and one fascist, and neither one would take the garbage out.

(1927 – ) American actress
Husbands Marriage People

I'm glad I don't have to explain to a man from Mars why each day I set fire to dozens of little pieces of paper, and then put them in my mouth.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
People Places

When a man says he had pleasure with a woman he does not mean conversation.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer
Conversation Men People Sex Women

It's hard to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenics just because she lives in your body.

(1956 – ) American entertainer & comedian
Health People Self

Love thy neighbor… and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Appearance Body Love People

We have fifty-one golf courses in Palm Springs; he (Gerald Ford) never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf People Sports

We are the people our parents warned us about.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & businessman
Family Parents People

You might be a redneck if… you think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are," Gentlemen, start your engines."

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks