Subject: People (Page 11)

One way to handle social anxiety is to pretend you are a ghost and people are staring at you because they have a gift they never asked for.

(1982 – ) American comedian & actress
Miscellaneous People Self

When a letter simply addressed to "Duffy the Dope" was delivered to me, I knew it was time to retire.

(1915 – 1987) American football player and coach
Communication People Self Work

Women… if they're not turning down your proposals for marriage, they're accusing you of suspicious behavior in the women's lingerie changing room.

(1947 – ) American actor & entrepreneur
TV/Movie Quotes Women

Here's to our wives and girlfriends… may they never meet!

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Marriage People Wives Women

It is only the shallow people who do not judge by appearance.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Appearance People

Imagine if the headless horseman had a headless horse… that would be chaos.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
People

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Friends Insults People

When I was 16 years old, the morning of my birthday, my parents tried to surprise me with a car, but they missed.

American comedian
Family Parents Self Situations

Anytime you wish to demonstrate something, the number of faults is proportional to the number of viewers.

Murphy’s Laws People Problems

Why is it old people say, ‘there’s no place like home’, yet when you put them in one…

British comedian
People

You might be a redneck if… your front porch collapses and four dogs git killed.

(1926 – 1998) American country comedian
Animals Dogs People Rednecks

Creativity varies inversely with the number of cooks involved with the broth.

Murphy’s Laws People

Until I was 13, I thought my name was ‘Shut Up.’

(1943 – ) American football player
Age Characteristics Communication Self Young

Only the mediocre are always at their best.

(1882 – 1944) French novelist, essayist, diplomat & playwright
People

You might be a redneck if… you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said "concentrate."

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Intelligence People Rednecks

Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don’t think so… retired mermaids.

(1964 – ) English comedian
Age Old People Women

She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
People

If humor was the foundation of my life, men were definitely the first floor.

(1946 – 1989) comedian & actress
Emotions Life Men People

If you treat people right they will treat you right… ninety percent of the time.

(1882 – 1945) 32nd U.S. president
Characteristics Honesty People

An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself.

(1913 – 1960) French-Algerian author, philosopher & journalist
Intelligence People

You might be a redneck if… your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks