Subject: People (Page 11)

I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people…that's why I don't like any of them.”

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
People

Far-away talent always seems better than home-developed talent.


Murphy’s Laws People

Never let the bastard back into my room again… unless I need him.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
People Situations

Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Emotions Women

They were persecuted at the turn of the century by the U.S. government – that's right: Prohibition.

comedian, television writer
Alcohol Food/Drink People

In high school, I wanted to be a feminist, but my boyfriend wouldn't let me.

comedian
Beliefs People

I don't get no respect, are you kiddin’? The time I got hurt… on the way to the hospital, the ambulance stopped for gas.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
People Self

You might be a redneck if… your front porch collapses and four dogs git killed.

(1926 – 1998) American country comedian
Animals Dogs People Rednecks

Everything that goes up must come down; but there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
People Self Sex

There's no such thing as a feminist – just women who pay for their own breast implants.

Canadian-American comedian & writer
People

Radical: Anyone whose opinion differs from ours.

Beliefs Definitions People

If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Intelligence Men Thinking

I have the woman-flu, which is like the manflu but worse because I also regularly have periods and I get paid less.

Danish comedian
Health Men People Women

A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Honesty Lies People Self Truth

China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.

(1890 – 1970) French president, general & statesman
People Places

I went to the doctor and said, “Doc, every morning when I wake up and look in the mirror, I throw up. What’s wrong?” The doctor said, “I don’t know, but your eyesight is perfect.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Self Ugly

The United Nations is a good idea, but it’s a pity they have to have so many foreigners in it.

Government People

X-chromosome: A genetic double-cross that empowers women with the ability to bear children and reserves for men the right to be color-blind hemophiliacs.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Women

Women don't want to hear what you think; women want to hear what they think – in a deeper voice.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Communication People Speech Women

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Health Memory People

Some of my best friends are thieves; why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Conflict Crime People