Subject: People (Page 113)

If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom… most of my husband's early films end with a scream and a flush.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Men People Things

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Characteristics Death People Self

Football is all very well a good game for rough girls, but not for delicate boys.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Football Girls People Sports

My trademarks are a hoarse, grating voice and the face of a retired pugilist: small narrowed eyes set in puffy features which look as though they might, years ago, have lost on points.

(1911 – 1986) American actor
Appearance Body People Self

Some men are so macho they'll get you pregnant just to kill a rabbit.

Australian comedian & actress
Men People

The bulk of mankind is as well equipped for flying as thinking.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist
Intelligence People Thinking

The last time I played golf with President Ford he hit a birdie – and an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark…

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf People Sports

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Men Money Work

Man is the animal that intends to shoot himself out into interplanetary space, after having given up on the problem of an efficient way to get himself five miles to work and back each day.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
People Science/Weather

You might be a redneck if… your dad walks you to school because you’re in the same grade.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Education Family Fathers People Rednecks School

One of the best things people could do for their descendants would be to sharply limit the number of them.

(1918 - 2002) American author
People

I have everything now I had twenty years ago – except now it’s lower.

(1911 – 1970) American burlesque entertainer, actress, author & playwright
Age Appearance Body Old Self

A conference is just an admission that you want somebody to join you in your troubles.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
People Problems

A committee can make a decision that is dumber than any of its members.


Intelligence People

I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they’re going to be talking.

Communication People Speech

A woman without a man is like a fish needs a bicycle.

(1988 – 1990) Australian writer & politician
Men People Women

I only like two kinds of men; domestic and foreign.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Emotions Men People Places

There are two kinds of people in this world; those who think there are two kinds of people and those who are smart enough to know better.

(1936 – ) novelist
People

It’s easier to find a traveling companion than to get rid of one.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Activities People Travel

A private meeting with Hoover is like sitting in a bath of ink.

(1867 – 1950) U.S. Secretary of War
People

You might be a redneck if… you believe that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Food/Drink People Rednecks