Subject: People (Page 118)

An optimist is a man who has never had much experience.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
People

Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Characteristics People

When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Body Self Ugly

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Characteristics Conflict Killing People

My psychiatrist once said to me, “Maybe life isn't for everyone.”

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Life Self

Ballerinas are always on their toes; why don’t they just get taller ballerinas?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
People

You can tell he used to be a rancher; he squeezes Republicans like he's milking a cow.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
People

If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.

People Women

Greater love hath no man than this, to lay down his friends for his life.

(1929 – ) British politician
Friends Insults

You know a man is a redneck if his mama has got in a fistfight at a high school sporting event.

(1926 – 1998) American country comedian
People Rednecks

I don’t believe in class differences, but luckily my butler disagrees with me.

(1931 – 1988) British magazine editor, political cartoonist & graphic artist
People

At least Charles Manson has the decency to look crazy from the moment you meet him.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
People

You might be a redneck if… the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos People Rednecks

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.

(1953 – ) comedian & actor
Autos People Things Women

A year ago Gerald Ford was unknown throughout America; now he’s unknown throughout he world.

People

The feller that calls you "Brother" generally wants something that don't belong to him.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
People

One thing your friends will never forgive you is your happiness.

(1913 – 1960) French-Algerian author, philosopher & journalist
Friends People

If Howard Cosell were a sport, he'd be roller derby.

(1909 – 1973) American sports journalist
People

A woman telling her true age is like a buyer confiding his final price to an Armenian rug dealer.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Age People Women

If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.

(1925 – 2013) British prime minister & politician
Men People Speech Women

I look like a mix between a Jew and a guy who would drive by in a truck and yell "Jew.”

American comedian
Appearance People Self