Subject: People (Page 118)

Hermits have no peer pressure.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
People

My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for 40 years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.

(1952 – ) comedian
History Men People Time

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Mothers Self

You might be a redneck if… your last year you hid yer kids' Easter eggs under cow pies.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals People Rednecks

I don’t think George Clooney has a bathroom mirror, just a note taped to the wall that says “Don’t worry about it.”

comedian
Appearance Body People

… the Women’s Lubrication Movement.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops People Women

To protect your position, fire the fastest rising employees first.

Murphy’s Laws People Situations Work

'Twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Individuals Women

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Activities Death People

The number of women a man find attractive is truly proportionate to his age.

Age Men Murphy’s Laws People Women

I would say the world's in terrible shape, but I'm afraid the world would say, 'Look who's talking!'

(1943 – 1974) American singer (Mamas & Papas)
Appearance Body Fat People Places Self World

Women aren't as mere as they used to be.

(1913 – 1973) American animator & cartoonist (Pogo)
People Women

I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Beliefs God People

If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Games People

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.

(1937 – 2005) journalist & author
Alcohol Drugs Life Self

You might be a redneck if… your family tree doesn’t fork.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Family People Relationships

Anybody who hates dogs and children can’t be all bad.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
People

The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Murphy’s Laws People Situations

His big thing now is we’ve got to get these evildoers… sounds like we’re living in a giant episode of ‘Scooby Doo.’

(1973 – ) American stand-up comedian
People

I'm not a competitive person… I'll be the first to admit it.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
People Self

Nature abhors a virgin – a frozen asset.

(1903 – 1987 diplomat, playwright, journalist & politician
Men People Sex Women