Subject: People (Page 122)

With my ol’ man, I got no respect. He told me to start at the bottom. He was teaching me how to swim.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Mothers Self

If we were truly created by God, then why do we still occasionally bite the insides of our own mouths?

(1972 – ) Irish comedian & television presenter
Beliefs God Self

Literature is an occupation in which you have to keep proving your talent to people who have none.

(1864 – 1910) French author
Communication People Reading/Writing

If this is airing in the future and no one knows who Karl Rove is, he's the reason you all live underground.

(1974 – ) Russian-born American comedian, writer & filmmaker
Government People Situations

It’s time for the human race to enter the solar system.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Misspokements People

You might be a redneck if… you see a sign that says "Say No To Crack" and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Body Drugs People Rednecks

He couldn't ad-lib a fart after a baked-bean dinner.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Beliefs Entertainment Insults Opinion People

Were kisses all the joys in bed, one woman would another wed.

(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet
People Sex Women

Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Characteristics Law People

A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern.


Beliefs Characteristics Honesty People

Probably the toughest time in anyone’s life is when you have to murder a loved one because they’re the devil.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Conflict Killing Life People Time

Growing up Jewish was a little different; some of the other kids in my neighborhood had diaries; I had a ledger… where I recorded how many diaries I sold to the other kids.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
People Self

You might be a redneck if… you've ever taken an RV to a drive-in movie.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks

My New Year’s resolution is to get in shape… I choose round.

(1975 – ) English comedian
Appearance Body Self

I don’t believe in sceptics.

British writer, actor, comic & television & radio presenter
Beliefs People

I concentrate on exercises from the waist down, since that is the laziest part of a woman's body.

(1934 – ) American actress, singer & author
Activities Exercise People Women

There are two types of people in this world: good and bad… the good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
People

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
People Science/Weather

When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at.

Activities Games Men Murphy’s Laws

That's the perfect microcosm for men and women: it takes a million sperm to find one egg 'cause they're all males and not one of them is gonna pull over and ask directions.

American actor & comedian
Men Sex Women

Emperor Negro, who fiddled while Rome burned…

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops People