Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
People
(Page 123)
A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one.
Mae West
(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Emotions
Love
Men
People
Women
It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.
Tallulah Bankhead
(1903 – 1968) movie actress
Characteristics
Girls
People
Women
Bad
Diaries
Good
An optimist in Canada is someone who thinks things could be worse.
Preston Manning
(1942 – ) Canadian politician
Canada
People
Places
Optimists
You might be a redneck if… you own a homemade fur coat.
Jeff Foxworthy
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance
Clothing
People
Rednecks
Fur coat
Expert: An ordinary man away from home giving advice.
Oscar Wilde
(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Occupations
People
Expert
It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us.
Alan Kent
People
Places
French
I don’t believe in class differences, but luckily my butler disagrees with me.
Mark Boxer
(1931 – 1988) British magazine editor, political cartoonist & graphic artist
People
Social classes
Tell me what brand of whiskey that Grant drinks; I would like to send a barrel of it to my other generals.
Abraham Lincoln
(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
People
Ulysses S. Grant
Never underestimate a man’s ability to underestimate a woman.
Kathleen Turner
(1954 – ) American actress
Men
People
TV/Movie Quotes
Women
As V.I. Warshawski in “V.I. Warshawski”
Studies show 1 in 5 British teens are unable to peel an orange… it’s a good job they’ve all got knives then.
Jack Dee
(1961 – ) English standup comedian, actor & writer
England
People
Places
Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to people better than you are.
Anonymous
Definitions
Family
People
Genealogy
I'm not indecisive; am I indecisive?
James Scheibel
(1947 – ) American politician & mayor
Characteristics
Self
Indecision
The difference between a moral man and a man of honor is that the latter regrets a discreditable act, even when it has worked and he has not been caught.
H.L. Mencken
(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics
People
Honor
Morals
Regret
I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless; I said ‘It’s nice to see so many bums on seats.’
Jimmy Carr
(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
People
Homeless
How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.
Oscar Wilde
(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Men
People
Women
You fantasize about a man with a Park Avenue apartment and a nice big stock portfolio; for me, it’s a fireman with a nice big hose.
Kim Cattrall
(1956 – ) English-Canadian actress
Men
TV/Movie Quotes
As Samantha Jones in “Sex and the City”
The higher the “higher-ups“ are who've come to see your demo, the lower your chances are of giving a successful one.
Deadline-Dan's Demo Demonstration
Murphy’s Laws
People
Success
Demonstrations
Importance
We have the power to bore people long after we are dead.
Sinclair Lewis
(1885 – 1951) American novelist, short-story writer & playwright
Communication
People
Reading/Writing
Self
Writers
Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.
Yul Brynner
(1920 – 1985 Russian-born American actor of stage & film
Girls
Intelligence
People
Women
The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in opposite directions.
George Carlin
(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Intelligence
Life
People
IQ
Life expectancy
Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both.
Samuel Butler
(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
People
Women
Thieves
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