Subject: People (Page 123)

Ever notice that George Bush doesn't speak when Dick Cheney is drinking water?

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Communication People

I just moved into a new house – so I had to go door to door to notify my neighbors that I am a registered sex offender… I’m not really, but it keeps those f**king kids out of my yard!

comedian
People Self

People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
People Self

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.

(1958 – ) comedian, actress & television host
Emotions People Self

How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Men People Women

This year there are 50 women on the Forbes richest list, or as John Kerry calls that, his little black book.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Money Wealth Women

Exercise freaks… are the ones putting stress on the health care system.

(1951 – ) American conservative radio talk-show host
Activities Exercise People Stupidity

I am being frank about myself in this book; I tell of my first mistake on page 850.

(1923 – ) German-born diplomat & scholar
Books Communication People Self

Many a necklace becomes a noose.

(1888 – 1982) American writer
Dating Marriage Men People Relationships Women

Women love scallywags, but some marry them and then try to make them wear a blazer.

(1938 – ) English fashion & portrait photographer
Men People

Men… you can’t live with them… you don’t have to.

Men People

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

(1917 – 1994) American writer
People Relationships

Eccentric: A man too rich to be called crazy.

Definitions People

It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Characteristics People

A woman’s a woman until the day she dies, but a man’s only a man as long as he can.

(1894 – 1975) American comedian
Men People Women

If I were Achilles I would put my foot in a f**king block of concrete!

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
People

A conference is just an admission that you want somebody to join you in your troubles.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
People Problems

A sports expert is the guy who writes the best alibis for being wrong.

(1909 – 1973) American sports journalist
People Sports

The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number of statements understood by the general public.

Intelligence Murphy’s Laws People Understanding

You may already be a loser!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Characteristics People Self

God is silent; now if only man would shut up.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God People