Subject: People (Page 123)

Italian women never die – they just shrink out of existence.

(1958 – ) American comedian, actress & jazz musician
Death People Women

Half the people in Hollywood are dying to be discovered and the other half are afraid they will be.

(1878 – 1954) American actor of stage, screen & radio
Hollywood People Places

Sooner or later, I'll be punctual.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Self Time

Silly things do cease to be silly if they are done by sensible people in an impudent way.

(1775 – 1817) English novelist
Characteristics People

My general appearance, and especially my face, have always been a source of depression to me.

(1878 – 1931) Irish artist
Appearance People Self

I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it – if I was hungry, I would talk about food.

American actor & comedian
Food/Drink Sex Speech Women

Years ago, manhood was an opportunity for achievement, and now it is a problem to be overcome.

(1942 – ) humorist & radio broadcaster
Men People

If men knew how to do it, they wouldn’t have to pay for it.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Men Money People Sex

When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight; when a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Appearance Body Fat Men People Women

Some women pick men to marry; and others pick them to pieces.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Marriage Men People Women

One learns little more about a man from the feats of his literary memory than from the feats of his alimentary canal.

(1865 –1925) American encyclopedia editor & essayist
People

What is this, an audience or an oil painting?

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Entertainment People

When someone you greatly admire and respect appears to be thinking deep thoughts, they are probably thinking about lunch.

Food/Drink Intelligence People Thinking

The follies which a man regrets most, in his life, are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Individuals People

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Husbands Marriage Self Wives

Poor Jesus; first he's crucified, then he has to spend his Saturdays with Jerry Falwell.

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian
People Situations

My specialty is detached malevolence.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit
Characteristics People Self

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.

(1953 – ) comedian & actor
Autos People Things Women

His big thing now is we’ve got to get these evildoers… sounds like we’re living in a giant episode of ‘Scooby Doo.’

(1973 – ) American stand-up comedian
People

The most efficient water power in the world – women's tears.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
People Women

Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to become as mediocre as possible.

(1901 – 1978) anthropologist
Men People Women