Subject: People (Page 126)

A committee is twelve men doing the work of one.

(1932 – 2009) U.S. senator (Massachusetts)
People

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.

(1923 – 1966) stand-up comedian, writer, social critic & satirist
Beliefs People Understanding

The man has a 70% approval rate, which makes sense to me because he's pretty much done everything I expected him to do: the economy's in the toilet, we're at war and everything's on fire.

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
People Problems

Woman is the most powerful magnet in the universe, and all men are cheap metal… and they all know where 'North' is.

(1953 – ) American comedian, actor, voice artist, & columnist
Characteristics Men People Women

How do you know if it's time to wash the dishes and clean your house?… look inside your pants and if you find a penis in there, it's not time.

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Housework Men People Situations

It's pretty much a bunch of people who don't live in a trailer park, yet like to vacation there.

comedian
Activities People

I'm Jewish and Italian, and I lucked out and got the nose of both cultures.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
Appearance People

Philosophers: People who talk about something they don’t understand, and make you think it’s your fault.

Definitions Intelligence People

Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language Self

A man is as good as he has to be, and a woman is as bad as she dares.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Men People Women

I don’t think George Clooney has a bathroom mirror, just a note taped to the wall that says “Don’t worry about it.”

comedian
Appearance Body People

I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Books Communication People Reading/Writing Self

I’ve dated three white rappers; I feel like that’s 98% of white rappers.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
People

Men have as exaggerated an idea of their rights as women have of their wrongs.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Characteristics Men People Women

I think the Japanese are smart people – stereotypically so.

(1982 – ) American stand-up comedian
Intelligence People

I didn’t know whether to break up with my girlfriend or take a break, so I planted weed in her purse and called the cops. Now I have 30 days to figure things out.

American comedian
Girlfriends Relationships

I hate when women compare men to dogs; men are not dogs… dogs are loyal; I’ve never found any strange panties in my dog’s house

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
Animals Dogs Men People

Barack Obama's approval ratings are so low there is talk of replacing him with Jay Leno.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Opinion People

Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even what book.

Murphy’s Laws People

I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.”

(1973 – ) American comedian
Communication Language Self

It’s hard to believe that if there is a God, he would want people to stand in the street and shout like maniacs. I think He would choose better qualified people.

(1980 – ) English comedian & novelist
Beliefs God People