Subject: People (Page 126)

A conference is just an admission that you want somebody to join you in your troubles.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
People Problems

I’ve dated three white rappers; I feel like that’s 98% of white rappers.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
People

Democracy is being allowed to vote for the candidate you dislike least.

(1972 – ) Irish stand-up comedian, voice over artist & actor
Democracy Government People

Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.

(1940 – 1993) composer, guitarist, record producer & film director
Government People

I like men who have a future and women who have a past.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Men People Women

There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.

Murphy’s Laws People

Women are cursed, and men are the proof.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Men People Women

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; this is the principal difference between dog and man.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Characteristics Dogs People

Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Cooking Food/Drink Self

I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night… and reduce the crime rate.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Conflict Crime People Self Ugly

Some folks are wise and some are otherwise.

(1721 – 1771) Scottish poet & author
Insults Intelligence People

We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don’t know.

(1907 – 1973) poet & critic
Life People

As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows, cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind.

(1917 – 1998) author, critic, animal rights activist
Animals Cats Characteristics People

Better sleep with a sober cannibal than a drunken Christian.

(1819 – 1891) American novelist, essayist & poet
People Situations

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

(1769 – 1821) French general & politician
Mistakes People

Women… can’t live with ‘em… pass the beer nuts.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
TV/Movie Quotes Women

You might be a redneck if… your front porch collapses and four dogs git killed.

(1926 – 1998) American country comedian
Animals Dogs People Rednecks

I’m selling a “Bigfoot hunting for Christians” book because people who believe in both will obviously buy anything.

American comedian
People

The average tourist wants to go to places where there are no tourists.

(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist
People Places Travel

It is well-known what a middleman is; he is a man who bamboozles one party and plunders the other.

(1804 – 1881) British prime minister, politician & author
Characteristics People

It's hard to feel fit as a fiddle when you're shaped like a cello.

American basketball coach & executive
Appearance Body People Self