Subject: People (Page 127)

God created alcohol just to stop the Irish from ruling the world.

(1956 – ) English actor
Alcohol Food/Drink People

A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn’t.

People

Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Housework Women Work

A lifelong friend is one you haven't borrowed money from yet.

(1914 – 1953) Welsh-born poet & writer
Friends Money People

Soon, I'm going to meet somebody around my own age, and she's going to be smart and beautiful, and I'm going to date her daughter.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & television ho
People Self

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Men Sex

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us worthy evidence of the fact.

Mary Anne Evans (1819 – 1880) English novelist, journalist & translator
Communication People Speech

Even at school they thought I had special powers; what was the phrase… ‘Constant super-vision.’

(1964 – ) English comedian
People Self

We have the power to bore people long after we are dead.

(1885 – 1951) American novelist, short-story writer & playwright
Communication People Reading/Writing Self

You might be a redneck if… you've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals Dogs People Rednecks

Americans: People with more time-saving devices and less time than any other people in the world.

Definitions People

Guys I’ve been meeting have the worst pickup lines, like: “Hey, what’s your friend’s name?”

(1977 – ) American comedian
Dating Men People Relationships

Every time I breathe, they like, ‘Why you breathing so hard?'…So I can live!


Appearance Fat Self

That’s where Jack and I were different, he would let his hair down, I just took mine off.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Appearance Hair People Situations

Errol Flynn died on a 70-foot boat with a 17-year-old girl; Walter has always wanted to go that way, but he's going to settle for a 17-footer with a 70-year-old.

(1916– 2005) American wife of Walter Cronkite
Death People Things

Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Emotions Entertainment Laughter People

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Money Occupations People Work

When Sinclair (Lewis) is dead he's dead; when I die I'm immortal.

(1873 – 1945) journalist & author
Death People Self

Far-away talent always seems better than home-developed talent.


Murphy’s Laws People

He's a fine friend; he stabs you in the front.

(1904 – 1974) American author & radio producer
Friends People

What would bug a guy from the Taliban more than seeing a gay woman in a suit surrounded by Jews?

(1958 – ) comedian, actress & television host
People Self