Subject: People (Page 14)

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner; these men usually have jobs and bathe.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Men People

You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.

(1954 – ) author
Beliefs Emotions God People

You have to know a man awfully well in Canada to know his surname.

(1875 – 1940) Scottish novelist, historian & Governor General of Canada
Canada People Places

Champagne for my real friends, and real pain for my sham friends.

(1949 – ) American singer-songwriter, composer & actor
Communication Friends People Wordplay

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

(1956 – ) American comedian
People Self Sex

I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn’t enough.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
People Self

Hell may have a worse climate but undoubtedly the company is spritelier.

(1876 – 1944) American author, humorist & columnist
People Places Situations

A woman in love can't be reasonable – or she probably wouldn't be in love.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Emotions Love Women

Men like phones with lots of buttons; it makes them feel important.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Communication Men People Things

Years ago, manhood was an opportunity for achievement, and now it is a problem to be overcome.

(1942 – ) humorist & radio broadcaster
Men People

Well I don’t see why I have to make one man miserable when I can make so many men happy.


Emotions Happiness Marriage Men People Sex

Telephone psychics are better at making fortunes than at reading them.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Money People

I like handicapped men ’cause a handicapped man get a check and a good parking space.

(1971 – ) American comedian & actress
Autos Money People

England is better only because I stand out there as ‘unusual.’

(1956 – ) American comedian
England People Places Self

When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own Scotch, you bring your own rocks.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Frugal Individuals Money People

You might be a redneck if… you think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three primary colors.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Science/Weather

I'm not into sports. If someone told me I had athlete's foot, I'd say that's not my foot!

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
People Self Sports

Vegetarian: A good salad citizen.

Food/Drink People

I only have ‘yes’ men around me; who needs ‘no’ men?

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
People Self

Beware of gifts bearing Greeks.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
People Places Things

Have you ever thought about registering as a sex offender just so your friends won’t bring their kids over to your house?

(1967 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Children Friends People Travel