Subject: People (Page 14)

Most people my age are dead at the present time.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Age Death Life Misspokements Old People Time

You might be a redneck if… you have a close relative named "Cletus.”

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks

If a tree falls in the woods, and nobody is around to hear it, and it hits a mime, does anyone care?

(1950 – ) American cartoonist The Far Side
People Situations

Men are very strange.; when they wake up in the morning they want things like toast. I don’t have those recipes

(1952 – ) comedian
Eating Food/Drink Men People

Everybody and his dog was there.

Expressions People

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
People Success

If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom… most of my husband's early films end with a scream and a flush.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Men People Things

I am… an inflated swimsuit.

(1966 – ) English dance-pop singer, actress & former model
Insults People Self

If I were married to her, I’d be sure to have dinner ready when she got home.

(1920 – ) U.S. Secretary of State economist, statesman & businessman
People

The average Italian…. is a cowardly baritone who consumes 78.3 kilometers of carbohydrates a month and drives about in a car slightly smaller than he is, looking for a divorce.

(1938 – 2007) British writer
People Places

Spinster: A lady in waiting.

Definitions People Women

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Appearance People

Have you ever thought about registering as a sex offender just so your friends won’t bring their kids over to your house?

(1967 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Children Friends People Travel

Men can say things in stores women can't believe like, "but I already have a pair of black pants.”

(1952 – ) comedian
Men People Shopping Speech Women

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Age Conflict Friends Killing People

No doubt exists that all women are crazy, it’s only a question of degree.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Intelligence People Women

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Conflict Friends Killing People Young

If there are any of you at the back who do not hear me, please don't raise your hands because I am also nearsighted.


(1907 – 1973) poet & critic
Communication People Self Speech

People who say that money can't buy happiness just don't know where to shop.

(1958 – ) Australian author
Emotions Happiness Money People Shopping

There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like; avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.

(1934 – ) English actress
Friends People

You might be a redneck if… you got Clapper devices controlling the appliances in your house.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks