Subject: People (Page 16)

You might be a redneck if… your ironing board doubles as a buffet table.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Things

The best audience is intelligent, well-educated, and a little drunk.

(1877 – 1956) U.S. vice president & politician
Alcohol People Situations

Unfortunately, the people of Louisiana are not racists.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Beliefs Misspokements People Places

What do hookers do on their nights off – type?

(1952 – ) comedian
People Work

Soon, I'm going to meet somebody around my own age, and she's going to be smart and beautiful, and I'm going to date her daughter.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & television ho
People Self

The fantasy of every Australian man is to have two women – one cleaning and the other dusting.

Australian comedian & actress
Housework People Women

People become progressively less competent for jobs they once were well equipped to handle.

Murphy’s Laws People Work

My mother said it was simple to keep a man: you must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom; I said I’d hire the other two and take care of the bedroom bit.

(1956 – ) American model & actress
Family Men Mothers People Relationships Sex

Neighbors: The only people who listen to both sides of an argument.

Definitions People

Do you know how hard it is to find a decent man in this town? Most of them think monogamy is some kind of wood.

movie character in The Mask (Amy Yasbeck)
Men People Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

Anyone who is popular is bound to be disliked.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
People Yogi-isms

My dad drives so slow that when we’re on the highway, Amish people give us the finger.

comedian
Activities Driving Family Fathers People

One man's folly is another man's wife.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Men People Wives

If I were Achilles I would put my foot in a f**king block of concrete!

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
People

All my life I’ve wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought.

American writer
Intelligence Self

Man is the only animal that can be skinned more than once.

(1893 – 1980) American singer, pianist, comedian & actor
People

Do you know why God withheld the sense of humor from women? … that we may love you instead of laugh at you.

(1865-1940) English actress
Men People Women

No matter how much you give a homeless person for a cup of tea, you never get that cup of tea.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
People

It takes a woman twenty years to make a man of her son, and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Family Mothers People Relationships Time Women

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.

Marriage Men Murphy’s Laws People Wives

Clique: A group of insiders who greet outsiders with their backsides; a closed circle of asses.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions People