Subject: People (Page 16)

Everything is more complicated than it looks to most people.

Murphy’s Laws People

I had an unemployed dwarf do a bit of casual work for me; he asked to be paid under the table.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
People

Never underestimate a man’s ability to underestimate a woman.

(1954 – ) American actress
Men People TV/Movie Quotes Women

The fact that you do not know the answer does not meant that someone else does.

Murphy’s Laws People

I hate myself, but being Jewish has nothing to do with it.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer
Beliefs Religion Self

Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Men People Women

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

(1901 – 1989) wife of Lester Bowles Pearson, Canadian prime minister
Men People Success Women

If God had wanted women to have giant… fake boobs he’d be a lot like my brother.

(1964 – ) American comedian
Appearance Body Women

God created alcohol just to stop the Irish from ruling the world.

(1956 – ) English actor
Alcohol Food/Drink People

You might be a redneck if… you just bought an 8-track player to put in your truck.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Situations Things

Zoo: A place devised for animals to study the habits of human beings.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Animals Definitions People Places

Don't accept rides from strange men, and remember that all men are strange.

(1941 – ) actor, writer, poet & feminist
Autos Men People

A woman might as well propose: her husband will claim she did.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Marriage Men People Women

Adolescents: People who never seem to realize that one day they will be as dumb as their parents.

Age People Young

Poor Jesus; first he's crucified, then he has to spend his Saturdays with Jerry Falwell.

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian
People Situations

I used to go out with a homeless girl… it was great 'cause after sex, I could just drop her off anywhere.

(1957 – ) American comedian
People Sex

He was a great friend of mine… well, as much as you could be a friend of his, unless you were a fourteen-year-old nymphet.

(1924 – 1984) American author
People

Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum (I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.)

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Intelligence Language Self

The two most important jobs in America are held by foreigners – room service and goal-kicking.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Occupations People Sports Work

I’m a member of the weeper sex.

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Malaprops People Women

Many a man is saved from being a thief by finding everything locked up.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Crime Government Law People