Subject: People (Page 17)

Pipe-smokers spend so much time cleaning, filling and fooling with their pipes, they don't have time to get into mischief.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
Characteristics Individuals People

Americans adore me and will go on adoring me until I say something nice about them.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
America People Places

I had an unemployed dwarf do a bit of casual work for me; he asked to be paid under the table.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
People

The food in such places is so tasteless because the members associate spices and garlic with just the sort of people they're trying to keep out.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Food/Drink People

Dates are basically where I go out and I act like someone I'm not until the person likes me enough to be who I actually am.

writer & comedian
Characteristics Dating People Relationships Self

My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron… and a lot like Dog the Bounty Hunter.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Appearance Girlfriends People

There are two kinds of people in this world; those who think there are two kinds of people and those who are smart enough to know better.

(1936 – ) novelist
People

You might be a redneck if… your school fight song is Dueling Banjos.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks School

Given the unlikely options of attending a funeral or a sex orgy, a true Irishman will always opt for the funeral.

(1928 – 2002) Irish playwright, novelist & essayist
People Places

I'm trying to find one woman that I can spend the rest of this weekend with.

American comedian
People Relationships Women

When I was ten, my family moved to Downers Grove Illinois; when I was twelve, I found them.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Family Self Situations

Associate with well-mannered persons and your manners will improve; run with decent folk and your own decent instincts will be strengthened; keep the company of bums and you will become a bum; hang around with rich people and you will end by picking up the check and dying broke.

Characteristics Money Murphy’s Laws People

Sewing Circle: A group of women who needle each other.

Definitions Friends Wordplay

It’s a great shock at the age of five or six to find that in a world of Gary Coopers you are the Indian.

(1924 – 1987) American novelist, writer, playwright, poet & civil rights activist
Appearance People

It's not hard to tell we was poor—when you saw the toilet paper dryin' on the clothesline.

(1928 – 2012) American comedian & actor
Money People Poverty Self

The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Alcohol Communication People

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

(1914 – 1953) Welsh-born poet & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Health People Self

God is good to the Irish, but no one else is, not even the Irish.

(1858 – 1932) American physicist, physician & humorist
People Places

You might be a redneck if… you think the stock market has fence around it.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Money People Rednecks

What you take for lying in an Irishman is only his attempt to put an herbaceous border on stark reality.

(1878 – 1957) Irish poet, author, athlete & politician
Beliefs Honesty Lies People Places

What do hookers do on their nights off – type?

(1952 – ) comedian
People Work