Subject: People (Page 18)

The best way to turn a woman's head is to tell her she has a beautiful profile.

(1885 – 1957) French stage actor, film actor, director, screenwriter & playwright
People Women

From 30 feet away she looked like a lot of class; from ten feet away she looked like something made up to be seen from 30 feet away.

(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter
Appearance People Women

You want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.

(1911 – 1980) humorist, writer, television host & journalist
Communication Girlfriends Marriage Relationships Speech

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Money People Wealth Work

Pretty women make us buy beer… ugly women make us drink beer.

(1946 – ) American actor
Beer Women

The higher a monkey climbs, the more you can see of its ass.

(Vinegar Joe) (1883 – 1946) American army general
Characteristics People

Engineers are all basically high-functioning autistics who have no idea how normal people do stuff.

(1971 – ) Canadian blogger, journalist & science fiction author
Intelligence People

Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don’t think so… retired mermaids.

(1964 – ) English comedian
Age Old People Women

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don’t care for him.

(1963 – ) Canadian writer, actor & stand-up comedian
People

You may be a redneck if you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos Education Money People

I’m fairly certain that the only reason I was born crippled was because God knew I wouldn’t be able to resist the urge to become a stripper.

American comedian
Health People Self

I'm so sick of these men who just talk about themselves… I'm looking for a well-hung mime.

(1964 – ) Canadian stand-up comedian, actress & television host
Body Men Speech

Many a man is saved from being a thief by finding everything locked up.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Crime Government Law People

When I was ten, my family moved to Downers Grove Illinois; when I was twelve, I found them.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Family Self Situations

Love is staying up all night with a sick child… or a healthy adult.

(1939 – ) British journalist, comedian, writer & media personality
Friends People

A dog is wiser than a woman; it doesn’t bark at its master.

People Proverbs Women

A bore is one who has the power of speech but not the capacity for conversation.

(1804 – 1881) British prime minister, politician & author
Characteristics Communication Conversation People Speech

The trouble with Bogart is he thinks he's Bogart.

(1906 – 1987) American movie director, producer & actor
People

When I was a Republican, Saddam Hussein was our ally, George Bush owned a mediocre baseball team, Enron was a respected energy company and Michael Jackson was still black.

(1950 – ) Greek American author, columnist & website co-founder
Past People Self Time

Everyone should have to wait tables for one year of their lives, so they realize their ranch dressing isn’t that fucking important.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Life Occupations People Work

My ex-girlfriend had a really weird fetish; she used to like to dress up as herself and then act like a bitch all the time.

American comedian
Girlfriends People