Subject: People (Page 19)

The most efficient water power in the world – women's tears.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
People Women

If you want to know how old a woman is, ask her sister-in-law.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Age People Women

Amateur: One who is always willing to give you the benefit of his inexperience

People

I didn't know her well, but after watching her in action I didn't want to know her well.

(1905 – 1977) American actress
Communication People

The best way to keep a man is in doubt.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
People Situations

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Men Money Work

I set records that will never be equaled; in fact, I hope 90% of them don’t even get printed.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Self Sports

I miss being pampered.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Government People Self

I know I’m God because when I pray to him I find I’m talking to myself.

(1931 – 2004) English playwright & screenwriter
Beliefs God People Self

You have nooo idea… the difference in sex drive between a man and woman is like the difference between shooting a bullet and throwing it.

(1953 – ) American comedian, actor, voice artist, & columnist
Men People Sex Women

This guy says, ‘I’m perfect for you, ‘cause I’m a cross between a macho and a sensitive man.’ … I said, ‘Oh, a gay trucker?’

(1956 – ) American entertainer & comedian
Characteristics Men People

Women: Can't live with them, can't bury them in the back yard without the neighbors seeing.

People Situations Women

Friend: A person who listens attentively while you say nothing.

Definitions Friends People

If you believe the past can't be changed, you haven't read a celebrity's autobiography.

(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist
Books Communication People Reading/Writing

I play sports…no I don’t… what the f**k?

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Self Sports

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command… very often, that person is crazy.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
People Problems

His big thing now is we’ve got to get these evildoers… sounds like we’re living in a giant episode of ‘Scooby Doo.’

(1973 – ) American stand-up comedian
People

Martina was so far in the closet she was in danger of being a garment bag.

1944) is an American writer & screenwriter
People Sex

She’s a classy girl though, at least all her tattoos are spelt right.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
People Women

You might be a redneck if… you use a NASCAR credit card.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks

I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.”

(1973 – ) American comedian
Communication Language Self