Subject: People (Page 19)

The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the happy wish to be married, the married wish to be dead.

(1918 – 2002) advice columnist
Marriage People Wealth

I think anybody who doesn't think I'm smart enough to handle the job is underestimating.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Government Intelligence President Self

I miss being pampered.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Government People Self

I used to go out with a homeless girl… it was great 'cause after sex, I could just drop her off anywhere.

(1957 – ) American comedian
People Sex

Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.

(1913 – 1960) French-Algerian author, philosopher & journalist
People

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Eating Food/Drink People

When a man says he had pleasure with a woman he does not mean conversation.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer
Conversation Men People Sex Women

Man is a beautiful machine that works very badly.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
People

Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them.

Murphy’s Laws People Work

Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Individuals Language

You know that look women get when they want sex… me, neither.

(1958 – ) standup comedian, actor, game show host & photographer
People Sex Women

If you can’t hear me, it’s because I’m in parentheses.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
People Self

Many years ago I remember a famous actress explaining to me with perfect seriousness that before making an entrance she always stood aside to allow God to go on first; I can also remember that on that particular occasion He gave a singularly uninspired performance.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Acting People Reviews/Criticism

My father was a simple man; my mother was a simple woman; you see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Family Fathers Fools Intelligence Mothers People Self

As blushing will sometimes make a whore pass for a virtuous woman, so modesty may make a fool seem a man of sense.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist
Characteristics Fools Intelligence Men People Women

Animals may be our friends; but they won’t pick you up at the airport.

(1962 – ) comedian, actor, voice actor, screenwriter, & film & television director
Animals Friends People

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Emotions Laughter People Self

Most people my age are dead at the present time.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Age Death Life Misspokements Old People Time

I see a woman with a tattoo, and I’m thinking, OK, here’s a gal who’s capable of making a decision she’ll regret in the future.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Intelligence People Women

Some people can stay longer in an hour than others can in a week.

(1837 – 1920) American author
Insults People Relationships Time

I was the class podiatrist… I never made it to class clown.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
People Self