Subject: People (Page 2)

Here's to Johnny quite a guy. Very sad he had to die. All was well could not be better, Till he wrote my girl a letter.

Conflict Epitaphs Girlfriends Killing

If your son's name is Dale Jr. and your name's not Dale… you might be a redneck.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Age Emotions Failure Friends

I'm glad I don't have to explain to a man from Mars why each day I set fire to dozens of little pieces of paper, and then put them in my mouth.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
People Places

I met this guy who said he loved children, then I found out he was on parole for it.

American comedian & writer
Children People

Zoo: A place devised for animals to study the habits of human beings.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Animals Definitions People Places

The Bible declares that on the sixth day God created man; right then and there, God should have demanded a damage deposit.

(1943 – ) U.S. agriculture commissioner, columnist, activist & author
Beliefs God People

Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Age Characteristics Men People Sports

Man is the only animal that blushes… or needs to.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Emotions People

Your best golf shots always occur when playing alone.

Golf Murphy’s Laws People Sports

We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it.


cartoon character in The Simpsons (Julie Kavner)
People Places

If God wanted women to understand men, football would never have been created.

novelist, screenwriter & businessman
Football God Men Sports Women

Look at a sweater made in Ireland… it’s like a turtleneck made out o Brillo pads. – On Irish people not wanting comfort

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
People Places

In the 1950's only seven percent of American women dyed their hair; today there are parts of Manhattan and Los Angeles where there are no gray-haired women at all.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Appearance Hair People Women

All women marry beneath them.

Marriage Murphy’s Laws Women

A statesman is any politician it’s considered safe to name a school after.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
Education Government People School

I just moved into a new house – so I had to go door to door to notify my neighbors that I am a registered sex offender… I’m not really, but it keeps those f**king kids out of my yard!

comedian
People Self

Feminism is the worst thing that happened to woman… our job used to be no job. – Feminism

(1982 – ) American actress, stand-up comedian & writer
People Women

England is better only because I stand out there as ‘unusual.’

(1956 – ) American comedian
England People Places Self

Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Cooking Food/Drink Self

Anybody who hates dogs and children can’t be all bad.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
People