Subject: People (Page 20)

Man is the only kind of varmint who sets his own trap, baits it, then steps on it.

(1902 – 1968) novelist
Accidents Animals People Problems

Guys are like dogs… they keep coming back… ladies are like cats; yell at a cat one time… they’re gone.

(1923 – 1966) stand-up comedian, writer, social critic & satirist
Men People Women

Of all the unbearable nuisances, the ignoramus that has traveled is the worst.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
People

My specialty is detached malevolence.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit
Characteristics People Self

I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome.

(1978 – ) American actress, writer & comedian
Emotions Self

We have lived through the era when happiness was a warm puppy, and the era when happiness was a dry martini, and now we have come to the era when happiness is "knowing what your uterus looks like.”

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Appearance Body People Women

If we men married the women we deserved, we should have a very bad time of it.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Marriage Men People Women

You might be a redneck if… you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said "concentrate."

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Intelligence People Rednecks

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

(1875 – 1965) German/French theologian, organist, philosopher, physician & medical missionary
People

Communism doesn’t work because people like to own stuff.

(1940 – 1993) composer, guitarist, record producer & film director
Beliefs People Things

Professionals built the Titanic; amateurs built the ark.

People Work

You might be a redneck if… your dad walks you to school because you’re in the same grade.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Education Family Fathers People Rednecks School

All right, brain, you don’t like me, and I don’t like you, but let's just get me through this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
People Self TV/Movie Quotes

Unbeknownst to most historians, Einstein started down the road of professional basketball before an ankle injury diverted him to science.

(1950 – ) American cartoonist The Far Side
People Science/Weather

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.

(1953 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Doctors Men

What pleases men most is old wine and young women.

(c. 484 BC – c. 425 BC) Greek historian
Emotions Happiness Men People Women

Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.

(1913 – 1960) French-Algerian author, philosopher & journalist
People

Germans are flummoxed by humor, the Swiss have no concept of fun, the Spanish think there is nothing at all ridiculous about eating dinner at midnight, and the Italians should never, ever have been let in on the invention of the motor car.

American author
Insults People Places

A statesman is any politician it’s considered safe to name a school after.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
Education Government People School

He who builds by the roadside has many surveyors.

People Proverbs

It was a mixed marriage… I’m human, and he was a Klingon.

comedian, writer, actor & producer
Marriage People