Subject: People (Page 22)

She’s like an apple turnover that got crushed in a grocery bag on a hot day.

(1947 – ) American author, teacher & social critic
Appearance Insults People

I believe people ought to mate for life… like pigeons or Catholics.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Marriage People

All men are afraid of eyelash curlers; I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Arms Fear Men People Things

The other day a woman described me as a bit of a looker… well voyeur was the actual word she used, but there’s no need to split hairs is there?

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
People Self

I went to the doctor and said, “Doc, every morning when I wake up and look in the mirror, I throw up. What’s wrong?” The doctor said, “I don’t know, but your eyesight is perfect.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Self Ugly

The great themes of Canadian history are as follows: Keeping the Americans out, keeping the French in, and trying to get the Natives to somehow disappear.

(1964 – ) Canadian writer & novelist
America Canada History People Places

I’ve performed for twelve presidents… and entertained six.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Entertainment People Self

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
People

Do unto yourself as your neighbors do unto themselves and look pleasant.

(1672 – 1719) English essasyist, poet & politician
Emotions Happiness People

When I was ten, my family moved to Downers Grove Illinois; when I was twelve, I found them.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Family Self Situations

It's far easier to forgive an enemy after you've got even with him.

(1918 - 2002) American author
Characteristics People

Any man who hates dogs and babies can’t be all bad.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
Animals Dogs Emotions People

Early to rise and early to bed makes a male healthy and wealthy and dead.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Death Life Men People Time

A jury is a group of twelve people of average ignorance.

(1820 – 1903) English philosopher
Government Intelligence Law People

Some have greatness thrust upon them, but not lately.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor
People Success Time

Perhaps men should think twice before making widowhood our only path to power.

(1934 – ) American feminist, journalist, & social & political activist
Death Men People Women

My shrink told me it was pointless to believe in myself.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Beliefs Self

The hardest thing to stop is a temporary chairman.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
People Situations

No matter what goes wrong, there’s always someone who will say he knew it would.

Murphy’s Laws People Problems

The great mass of men lead lives of quiet domestication.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Life People Situations

18,000 Women Recalled For New Tests

Headlines Women