Subject: People (Page 22)

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them.

(1955– ) writer & screenwriter
Conversation Men People Sex Women

Maybe that's all that family really is, a group of people who all miss the same imaginary place.

(1975 – ) actor, director, screenwriter & producer
Family Memory People Relationships

What makes resisting temptation difficult for many people is they don't want to discourage it completely.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Characteristics People Situations

If you hate gay marriage, then don't marry a gay person.

(1977 – ) Australian comedian
Marriage People

I always thought I'd go to the Oscars, but only as a stalker.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Entertainment Film People Self

They added up all the people in this country who consider themselves a minority and it added up to more than the population of the country.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
America People Places

Accuracy to a newspaper is what virtue is to a lady, except that a newspaper can always print a retraction.

(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician
People

A sports expert is the guy who writes the best alibis for being wrong.

(1909 – 1973) American sports journalist
People Sports

Rich people bring a lawyer; Latinos and blacks bring their moms.

(1976 – ) comedian
Lawyers Money Mothers People

People who never get carried away should be.

(1919 – 1990) publisher & author
Characteristics Emotions People

Question: What goes ‘clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, BANG BANG’? Answer: An Amish drive-by shooting.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
People Situations

I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands; her name was “woman.”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
People Women

The snapshots you take of your husband are always more flattering than the ones he takes of you.

Husbands Murphy’s Laws Self Things Wives

A woman who can't forgive should never have more than a nodding acquaintance with a man.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Men People Women

Reunion: When you meet people your own age who all look a lot older than you.

Definitions People

A woman’s a woman until the day she dies, but a man’s only a man as long as he can.

(1894 – 1975) American comedian
Men People Women

If I were married to her, I’d be sure to have dinner ready when she got home.

(1920 – ) U.S. Secretary of State economist, statesman & businessman
People

Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician
Characteristics Eating Food/Drink People

Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese… and there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them.

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Family People Relationships

Why is the winner of the Miss Universe contest always from Earth?

(1954 – ) American comedian, writer & musician
People Situations

Maybe we weren't at the Last Supper, but we're certainly going to be at the next one.

(1920 – 1998) lawyer, congresswoman, & women's movement activist
People Women